Texts From Last Night

lexarenee129's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107947) Bad night (8844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122221) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission. http://tfl.nu/3lm1
  Replies (19) Good night (2945) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major http://tfl.nu/g5od
  Replies (3) Good night (1513) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car. http://tfl.nu/kt4h
  Replies (13) Good night (3656) Bad night (1674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool. http://tfl.nu/q5rs
  Replies (11) Good night (4217) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD. http://tfl.nu/21ls
  Replies (30) Good night (11369) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family http://tfl.nu/olwi
  Replies (7) Good night (3096) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me http://tfl.nu/44om
  Replies (19) Good night (4871) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on? http://tfl.nu/ru4x
  Replies (20) Good night (3404) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
  Replies (45) Good night (8301) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever. http://tfl.nu/8cfr
  Replies (23) Good night (4837) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does. http://tfl.nu/0qfz
  Replies (25) Good night (5093) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions http://tfl.nu/qlm8
  Replies (7) Good night (3867) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.' http://tfl.nu/uc3v
  Replies (23) Good night (4537) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua
  Replies (27) Good night (6264) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more. http://tfl.nu/bcah
  Replies (31) Good night (5207) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar http://tfl.nu/9kou
  Replies (39) Good night (6083) Bad night (2523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7207) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown. http://tfl.nu/l3ul
  Replies (49) Good night (2037) Bad night (5014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l
  Replies (37) Good night (8875) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore http://tfl.nu/n25p
  Replies (35) Good night (6194) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7186) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs. http://tfl.nu/6w3y
  Replies (30) Good night (6049) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons http://tfl.nu/ha6n
  Replies (28) Good night (894) Bad night (3841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day.. http://tfl.nu/4gef
  Replies (25) Good night (3573) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on. http://tfl.nu/u7oz
  Replies (22) Good night (861) Bad night (4893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): it's like her boobs came off with her bra http://tfl.nu/ua1r
  Replies (53) Good night (1229) Bad night (14772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you will always have a special place in my vag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you will always have a special place in my vag http://tfl.nu/evl8
  Replies (23) Good night (5486) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
  Replies (17) Good night (8809) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox http://tfl.nu/t30w
  Replies (38) Good night (8035) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7488) Bad night (1572)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina http://tfl.nu/a6qo
  Replies (11) Good night (946) Bad night (4355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would. http://tfl.nu/dwd2
  Replies (7) Good night (4849) Bad night (2159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane. http://tfl.nu/zl9e
  Replies (18) Good night (6110) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

  (623): View more from Arizona

  And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

  (661): View more from California

  Exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet (623): And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs (661): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/5o7t
  Replies (18) Good night (6445) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161230) Bad night (40082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165225) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later. http://tfl.nu/b9wm
  Replies (17) Good night (5119) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife? http://tfl.nu/rjpj
  Replies (34) Good night (1767) Bad night (7969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar. http://tfl.nu/vp4p
  Replies (7) Good night (5993) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina??? http://tfl.nu/hnyt
  Replies (24) Good night (938) Bad night (7613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high. http://tfl.nu/wyb4
  Replies (15) Good night (4730) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj
  Replies (23) Good night (6648) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48649) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (42) Good night (2884) Bad night (6376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
  Replies (33) Good night (5559) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize. http://tfl.nu/u4mt
  Replies (29) Good night (600) Bad night (6238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever. http://tfl.nu/u669
  Replies (18) Good night (868) Bad night (7115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing http://tfl.nu/i2gp
  Replies (18) Good night (1053) Bad night (6507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate. http://tfl.nu/63ss
  Replies (32) Good night (6443) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (9763) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i really wish james franco would like my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i really wish james franco would like my vagina http://tfl.nu/g4mj
  Replies (25) Good night (5499) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3
  Replies (29) Good night (8546) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong. http://tfl.nu/opsu
  Replies (14) Good night (810) Bad night (7443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not http://tfl.nu/juyk
  Replies (12) Good night (924) Bad night (4108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (30) Good night (13190) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation. http://tfl.nu/fvna
  Replies (21) Good night (9477) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (99) Good night (11814) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
  Replies (14) Good night (6089) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (5926) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper http://tfl.nu/mqbh
  Replies (13) Good night (4971) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8189) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128179) Bad night (5060)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face. http://tfl.nu/dqag
  Replies (11) Good night (893) Bad night (4774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars. http://tfl.nu/d908
  Replies (13) Good night (5296) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25288) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day. http://tfl.nu/d5nb
  Replies (27) Good night (7407) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26357) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47508) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (10913) Bad night (2706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party. http://tfl.nu/pnyn
  Replies (21) Good night (1620) Bad night (7293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets". http://tfl.nu/hqdk
  Replies (15) Good night (8209) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed. http://tfl.nu/eoiy
  Replies (24) Good night (1136) Bad night (5110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again. http://tfl.nu/v6ko
  Replies (19) Good night (7596) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9389) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt