Texts From Last Night

imthatchick44's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are way too vulgar to be a girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION? (410): you are way too vulgar to be a girl http://tfl.nu/3shx
  Replies (20) Good night (8211) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella. http://tfl.nu/lhln
  Replies (10) Good night (3791) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/cot7
  Replies (26) Good night (5964) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension http://tfl.nu/j5kg
  Replies (12) Good night (1658) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored. http://tfl.nu/wqg4
  Replies (12) Good night (2882) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy... http://tfl.nu/nlco
  Replies (5) Good night (2149) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur http://tfl.nu/llqd
  Replies (8) Good night (5082) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit. http://tfl.nu/yb12
  Replies (27) Good night (4461) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess http://tfl.nu/vowo
  Replies (3) Good night (728) Bad night (1606)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/tjlf
  Replies (15) Good night (6997) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (10295) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna. http://tfl.nu/vetf
  Replies (42) Good night (2317) Bad night (7169)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night. http://tfl.nu/sjta
  Replies (4) Good night (2425) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3173) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vafe
  Replies (5) Good night (4752) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7
  Replies (62) Good night (10616) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical. http://tfl.nu/sqyk
  Replies (12) Good night (6595) Bad night (1880)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/2gcf
  Replies (32) Good night (13644) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12967) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  eat her like coffee?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers (1-720): eat her like coffee? http://tfl.nu/6p99
  Replies (19) Good night (1248) Bad night (3243)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I molested 6 butterflies tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I molested 6 butterflies tonight http://tfl.nu/fk5z
  Replies (14) Good night (1486) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech. http://tfl.nu/9arc
  Replies (8) Good night (4961) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/2zjv
  Replies (37) Good night (7966) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (42) Good night (20169) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan. http://tfl.nu/4npq
  Replies (12) Good night (3324) Bad night (1840)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1
  Replies (49) Good night (4577) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names. (901): BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that http://tfl.nu/oy20
  Replies (26) Good night (1864) Bad night (4128)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9751) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!" http://tfl.nu/z3ws
  Replies (10) Good night (4016) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now. (1-850): Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel. http://tfl.nu/j1ot
  Replies (80) Good night (4059) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia http://tfl.nu/7fa5
  Replies (17) Good night (2135) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE http://tfl.nu/myo8
  Replies (21) Good night (4067) Bad night (1545)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (207) Good night (52479) Bad night (3022)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/rhle
  Replies (16) Good night (5392) Bad night (1124)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty" http://tfl.nu/qrhn
  Replies (18) Good night (6509) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition http://tfl.nu/w42o
  Replies (11) Good night (4124) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting." http://tfl.nu/6v74
  Replies (6) Good night (4590) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos. http://tfl.nu/dg53
  Replies (10) Good night (3278) Bad night (1360)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I am SOOO high

  (830): View more from Texas

  tell me about your high

  (214): View more from Texas

  HUGE THUMBTACKS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I am SOOO high (830): tell me about your high (214): HUGE THUMBTACKS http://tfl.nu/kz11
  Replies (13) Good night (5630) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters. http://tfl.nu/nfga
  Replies (14) Good night (6086) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you. http://tfl.nu/lwwd
  Replies (6) Good night (4082) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts http://tfl.nu/t2mu
  Replies (6) Good night (3010) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns. http://tfl.nu/6hbs
  Replies (9) Good night (4193) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (15848) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/jyp5
  Replies (14) Good night (7924) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  That Cesar Milan is captivating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer (1-954): That Cesar Milan is captivating http://tfl.nu/iuqa
  Replies (4) Good night (1763) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/jw0e
  Replies (5) Good night (2301) Bad night (1532)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/2fqf
  Replies (7) Good night (4423) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26689) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (30499) Bad night (1295)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (32745) Bad night (1807)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (36147) Bad night (1144)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (39162) Bad night (3347)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40864) Bad night (1739)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (38837) Bad night (1885)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (80) Good night (44869) Bad night (1959)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (44256) Bad night (1682)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (47225) Bad night (2259)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (388) Good night (41083) Bad night (4114)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (48) Good night (48225) Bad night (2304)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (45414) Bad night (3654)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (52462) Bad night (2565)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (290) Good night (62896) Bad night (4588)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (54) Good night (73280) Bad night (2415)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (67447) Bad night (3284)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (298) Good night (74628) Bad night (2774)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (840) Good night (143767) Bad night (9783)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just invented taco cereal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Just invented taco cereal. http://tfl.nu/md8j
  Replies (8) Good night (1521) Bad night (1949)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad. http://tfl.nu/1j3o
  Replies (3) Good night (3338) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong. http://tfl.nu/nz0q
  Replies (16) Good night (3393) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga. http://tfl.nu/aid2
  Replies (6) Good night (2635) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water. http://tfl.nu/94yr
  Replies (8) Good night (5078) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night. http://tfl.nu/m1vr
  Replies (6) Good night (3388) Bad night (1015)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills. http://tfl.nu/ed0l
  Replies (7) Good night (3053) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/z2xs
  Replies (2) Good night (1177) Bad night (1954)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT http://tfl.nu/gmdd
  Replies (6) Good night (2806) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude. http://tfl.nu/1uv4
  Replies (5) Good night (2447) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11. http://tfl.nu/k8vl
  Replies (21) Good night (5435) Bad night (2672)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
  Replies (19) Good night (6859) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  they call him Oral-B. enough said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): they call him Oral-B. enough said http://tfl.nu/vhzo
  Replies (12) Good night (2995) Bad night (791)