you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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