Texts From Last Night

athng4blondes's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12291) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance http://tfl.nu/4709
  Replies (6) Good night (1015) Bad night (3561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge? http://tfl.nu/3h8y
  Replies (67) Good night (1943) Bad night (5831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka... http://tfl.nu/gnte
  Replies (29) Good night (6702) Bad night (2369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (5654) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool. http://tfl.nu/ncnm
  Replies (17) Good night (640) Bad night (3833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character. http://tfl.nu/f69z
  Replies (11) Good night (7308) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party http://tfl.nu/osnp
  Replies (23) Good night (6969) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!" http://tfl.nu/vlcz
  Replies (46) Good night (15386) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (16837) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy http://tfl.nu/8awt
  Replies (110) Good night (14166) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (86) Good night (15269) Bad night (2447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (19374) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Banned from zoo.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Banned from zoo. (301): Again? http://tfl.nu/bv0w
  Replies (44) Good night (16370) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. http://tfl.nu/1lek
  Replies (32) Good night (17278) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv
  Replies (61) Good night (17823) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles http://tfl.nu/ya5r
  Replies (46) Good night (16821) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x
  Replies (33) Good night (20217) Bad night (1686)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies http://tfl.nu/qgfc
  Replies (61) Good night (18549) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20230) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back http://tfl.nu/kyt1
  Replies (180) Good night (20406) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (19414) Bad night (1778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you http://tfl.nu/8puo
  Replies (38) Good night (18746) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win. http://tfl.nu/almv
  Replies (47) Good night (20972) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (28719) Bad night (1861)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (22271) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (28682) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (29535) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39428) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (97) Good night (30810) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38043) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41855) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69185) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59249) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62696) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76742) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82813) Bad night (7566)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122223) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47511) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos http://tfl.nu/z3bc
  Replies (17) Good night (7634) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans. http://tfl.nu/jpyk
  Replies (32) Good night (8215) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (13655) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went. http://tfl.nu/fpvf
  Replies (16) Good night (5919) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is. http://tfl.nu/k34n
  Replies (8) Good night (3596) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking". http://tfl.nu/tuao
  Replies (9) Good night (5518) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this." http://tfl.nu/1p18
  Replies (15) Good night (3723) Bad night (4568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break? http://tfl.nu/m0ae
  Replies (8) Good night (3676) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  You realize it's finals week?

  (408): View more from California

  Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): You realize it's finals week? (408): Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first. http://tfl.nu/rjos
  Replies (19) Good night (6003) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (10913) Bad night (2706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama? http://tfl.nu/w817
  Replies (11) Good night (4838) Bad night (1092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave http://tfl.nu/vjg2
  Replies (33) Good night (9560) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (8817) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision. http://tfl.nu/qwmb
  Replies (17) Good night (2527) Bad night (3356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/qahj
  Replies (35) Good night (12027) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing. http://tfl.nu/y30j
  Replies (20) Good night (8497) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28555) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Previous statement retracted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe
  Replies (46) Good night (12575) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (50) Good night (14296) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68155) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high. http://tfl.nu/emp7
  Replies (8) Good night (5741) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (8806) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number http://tfl.nu/l21z
  Replies (12) Good night (5171) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on. http://tfl.nu/8n2e
  Replies (15) Good night (5360) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock? http://tfl.nu/k7ck
  Replies (27) Good night (5793) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin? http://tfl.nu/67r3
  Replies (29) Good night (4009) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i don't want you to think of me as your TA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i don't want you to think of me as your TA http://tfl.nu/7pvf
  Replies (26) Good night (9662) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/3ucb
  Replies (16) Good night (5211) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight? http://tfl.nu/82sl
  Replies (73) Good night (9375) Bad night (1905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5535) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8291) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish? http://tfl.nu/s0dr
  Replies (10) Good night (640) Bad night (3813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3124) Bad night (5420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone http://tfl.nu/50pu
  Replies (13) Good night (748) Bad night (3751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf
  Replies (13) Good night (9445) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms? http://tfl.nu/1h9x
  Replies (25) Good night (3183) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi! http://tfl.nu/jfyt
  Replies (23) Good night (6533) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it. http://tfl.nu/pcok
  Replies (24) Good night (5131) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5
  Replies (27) Good night (6307) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't know where I am but there are firefighters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I don't know where I am but there are firefighters http://tfl.nu/dbyd
  Replies (18) Good night (6041) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (3517) Order T-Shirt