I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
