Texts From Last Night

carolinecarmele's Favorites Texts:

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  (516): View more from New York

  He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this

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  (516): He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this http://tfl.nu/b4ty
  Replies (8) Good night (2638) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  Jesus, are you hammered?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.

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  (701): Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus. (1-701): Jesus, are you hammered? (701): Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws. http://tfl.nu/johl
  Replies (26) Good night (3416) Bad night (445)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.

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  (506): My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out. http://tfl.nu/qizv
  Replies (28) Good night (669) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.

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  (914): Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face. http://tfl.nu/vgja
  Replies (12) Good night (2976) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

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  (304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar http://tfl.nu/3165
  Replies (18) Good night (3412) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Found your dick twin last night

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  (402): Found your dick twin last night http://tfl.nu/4id4
  Replies (5) Good night (1925) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I would never do this in real life. It's only college.

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  (480): I would never do this in real life. It's only college. http://tfl.nu/l8vq
  Replies (4) Good night (2507) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

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  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
  Replies (9) Good night (3302) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.

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  (414): in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself. http://tfl.nu/j69f
  Replies (5) Good night (3512) Bad night (1262)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.

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  (806): I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you. http://tfl.nu/8w6h
  Replies (12) Good night (2981) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.

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  (313): I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6. http://tfl.nu/0yci
  Replies (12) Good night (1465) Bad night (1826) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.

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  (502): dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk. http://tfl.nu/y7ij
  Replies (6) Good night (2814) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."

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  (269): Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer." http://tfl.nu/35qp
  Replies (4) Good night (2122) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude

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  (907): I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude http://tfl.nu/0pzh
  Replies (9) Good night (1987) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Me and my dog bond so much when im high.

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  (407): Me and my dog bond so much when im high. http://tfl.nu/9nf2
  Replies (66) Good night (7138) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

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  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4276) Bad night (2361) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  and then he started using my ass as a stressball

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  (973): and then he started using my ass as a stressball http://tfl.nu/q5mx
  Replies (16) Good night (3308) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

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  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9445) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"

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  (215): Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober" http://tfl.nu/vzc2
  Replies (6) Good night (3798) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

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  (262): Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears. http://tfl.nu/gqzu
  Replies (8) Good night (1320) Bad night (3286) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.

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  (918): He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things. http://tfl.nu/ox9y
  Replies (16) Good night (970) Bad night (2664) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.

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  (515): Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake. http://tfl.nu/j6cx
  Replies (3) Good night (2352) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....

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  (480): i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera.... http://tfl.nu/on9i
  Replies (25) Good night (2395) Bad night (4302) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

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  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
  Replies (17) Good night (6089) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset

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  (562): I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset http://tfl.nu/nrla
  Replies (6) Good night (2911) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?

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  (607): Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be? http://tfl.nu/nsuv
  Replies (29) Good night (2750) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

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  (318): I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/2gyi
  Replies (11) Good night (5881) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

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  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12113) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics

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  (513): i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics http://tfl.nu/sgxc
  Replies (9) Good night (3946) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.

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  (910): Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut. http://tfl.nu/hcrb
  Replies (21) Good night (6055) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

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  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.

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  (205): I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila. http://tfl.nu/1ja2
  Replies (6) Good night (2899) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

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  (970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1
  Replies (20) Good night (5961) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

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  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (9683) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

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  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (145) Good night (3184) Bad night (11804) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  God wants them to get laid too.

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  (267): Why do fat girls all have such cute faces? (484): God wants them to get laid too. http://tfl.nu/23cz
  Replies (59) Good night (7612) Bad night (1137)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..

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  (519): I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team.. http://tfl.nu/ngxj
  Replies (34) Good night (5380) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

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  (248): I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow http://tfl.nu/a3vb
  Replies (2) Good night (798) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bring money and cleavage

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  (978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou
  Replies (20) Good night (5742) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

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  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12103) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born

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  (313): Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born http://tfl.nu/de9t
  Replies (17) Good night (1284) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now

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  (586): I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now http://tfl.nu/yx20
  Replies (1) Good night (1127) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

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  (713): when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed http://tfl.nu/1ijl
  Replies (13) Good night (4908) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?

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  (704): We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You? http://tfl.nu/j4cx
  Replies (17) Good night (7182) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

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  (480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3
  Replies (54) Good night (10762) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.

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  (703): We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along. http://tfl.nu/ex0g
  Replies (26) Good night (5847) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

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  (203): spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow http://tfl.nu/sj2l
  Replies (13) Good night (5081) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We've got ourselves a situation

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  (614): Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and.... (614): We've got ourselves a situation http://tfl.nu/efwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6851) Bad night (499)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small

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  (203): you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small http://tfl.nu/4mz5
  Replies (138) Good night (499) Bad night (3918) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

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  (225): If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party http://tfl.nu/fuoa
  Replies (28) Good night (4575) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag

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  (480): The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag http://tfl.nu/fc0e
  Replies (134) Good night (1156) Bad night (4616)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?

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  (919): Why do all fat girls have "that smell"? http://tfl.nu/bzyi
  Replies (109) Good night (408) Bad night (3552) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

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  (847): Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight http://tfl.nu/3mek
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49125) Bad night (2153) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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  (405): Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her http://tfl.nu/rds9
  Replies (20) Good night (759) Bad night (1636) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.

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  (818): people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight. http://tfl.nu/8h1f
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

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  (484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem http://tfl.nu/p4jh
  Replies (19) Good night (4503) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  we're chasing vodka with high fives

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  (714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s
  Replies (38) Good night (16669) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.

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  (314): I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people. http://tfl.nu/5ctu
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

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  (305): I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls http://tfl.nu/u8nd
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.

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  (630): I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting. http://tfl.nu/uotz
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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  (847): She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing. http://tfl.nu/qwo3
  Replies (15) Good night (1836) Bad night (3956) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy

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  (352): I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy http://tfl.nu/uxjr
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I can feel you judging me through the phone.

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  (703): I can feel you judging me through the phone. http://tfl.nu/i7dh
  Replies (14) Good night (965) Bad night (3230) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  She does have a great personality.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  Yeah, in her vagina.

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  (864): She does have a great personality. (1-864): Yeah, in her vagina. http://tfl.nu/us41
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  (925): View more from California

  make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.

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  (925): make sure i look cute passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/459h
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

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  (440): oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet. http://tfl.nu/d9ji
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.

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  (701): I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers. http://tfl.nu/q78w
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  (718): View more from New York

  we need to drink 2009 down the drain

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  (718): we need to drink 2009 down the drain http://tfl.nu/q0df
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober

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  (443): i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober http://tfl.nu/mim6
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

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  (612): Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight http://tfl.nu/a290
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  (707): View more from California

  tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?

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  (707): tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers? http://tfl.nu/o0vq
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?

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  (918): New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be? http://tfl.nu/0zp1
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in

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  (732): no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in http://tfl.nu/h08n
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  the day after is always just damage control

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  (208): the day after is always just damage control http://tfl.nu/ugvq
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.

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  (973): Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day. http://tfl.nu/sevp
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.

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  (505): Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before. http://tfl.nu/42ka
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  (619): View more from California

  My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.

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  (619): My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words. http://tfl.nu/bbmw
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

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  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
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