i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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