Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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