Texts From Last Night

ameilsa's Favorites Texts:

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  (903): View more from Texas

  EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT

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  (903): EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT http://tfl.nu/usnf
  Replies (14) Good night (6760) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz

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  (401): Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz http://tfl.nu/2w6v
  Replies (18) Good night (2575) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  there needs to be a build-a-bong store...

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  (267): there needs to be a build-a-bong store... http://tfl.nu/zpe9
  Replies (53) Good night (8785) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38522) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41852) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

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  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41860) Bad night (1189)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

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  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42211) Bad night (1636)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

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  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47507) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

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  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49048) Bad night (2220) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

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  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (60) Good night (53386) Bad night (916)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (183) Good night (53939) Bad night (4175)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69182) Bad night (1983) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  go home

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  (347): we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy (203): go home http://tfl.nu/91uo
  Replies (28) Good night (6622) Bad night (709)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  ok, come over...I have doritos

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  (201): Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home... (1-201): ok, come over...I have doritos http://tfl.nu/32vm
  Replies (8) Good night (731) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

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  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (25090) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  stop writing like that.

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  (410): hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;) (1-410): stop writing like that. http://tfl.nu/yu8k
  Replies (25) Good night (6432) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling

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  (443): No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling http://tfl.nu/429d
  Replies (5) Good night (789) Bad night (1967) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

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  (816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk
  Replies (13) Good night (4315) Bad night (773)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I get to be your mom.

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  (847): Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth? (312): I get to be your mom. http://tfl.nu/nmh7
  Replies (10) Good night (3424) Bad night (1001)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.

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  (740): He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker. http://tfl.nu/ldq8
  Replies (17) Good night (3301) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82811) Bad night (7565)
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  (562): View more from California

  she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend

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  (562): she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ejvb
  Replies (10) Good night (2994) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

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  (952): You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear http://tfl.nu/fvq9
  Replies (9) Good night (1918) Bad night (3403) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

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  (508): Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day. http://tfl.nu/pq24
  Replies (12) Good night (6980) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

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  (404): We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned. http://tfl.nu/3qtb
  Replies (6) Good night (5317) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

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  (214): I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused." http://tfl.nu/qcvq
  Replies (12) Good night (10955) Bad night (711)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.

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  (614): I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out. http://tfl.nu/60nc
  Replies (12) Good night (1087) Bad night (4060)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now

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  (519): You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now http://tfl.nu/uorn
  Replies (9) Good night (805) Bad night (3354) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

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  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (23404) Bad night (1429)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me

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  (210): he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me http://tfl.nu/5qy1
  Replies (25) Good night (833) Bad night (8085) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

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  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
  Replies (55) Good night (5192) Bad night (600)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling

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  (612): and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling http://tfl.nu/vkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (3922) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."

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  (814): In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands." http://tfl.nu/l3oo
  Replies (17) Good night (8886) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

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  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26356) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef

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  (307): burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef http://tfl.nu/mi4v
  Replies (33) Good night (6556) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.

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  (908): Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage. http://tfl.nu/uh3k
  Replies (13) Good night (5418) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

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  (715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa
  Replies (64) Good night (16510) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

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  (208): We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands. http://tfl.nu/sr1t
  Replies (26) Good night (5723) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

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  (210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m
  Replies (13) Good night (4525) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.

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  (949): Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language. http://tfl.nu/y11c
  Replies (23) Good night (4233) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.

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  (662): I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered. http://tfl.nu/u71a
  Replies (15) Good night (7058) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Have you learned any life lessons?

  (406): View more from Montana

  I like big butts and I cannot lie.

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  (303): Have you learned any life lessons? (406): I like big butts and I cannot lie. http://tfl.nu/s51u
  Replies (11) Good night (2402) Bad night (343)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.

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  (845): Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere. http://tfl.nu/7gle
  Replies (22) Good night (6073) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

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  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6237) Bad night (1311)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

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  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
  Replies (26) Good night (9224) Bad night (742)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

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  (203): theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him http://tfl.nu/busx
  Replies (14) Good night (5539) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

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  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (8785) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

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  (360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p
  Replies (39) Good night (10150) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.

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  (609): shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look. http://tfl.nu/n3uw
  Replies (16) Good night (4583) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

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  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
  Replies (28) Good night (10408) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke

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  (317): Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke http://tfl.nu/o61t
  Replies (16) Good night (6065) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

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  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (21004) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.

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  (518): Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf. http://tfl.nu/6o5h
  Replies (38) Good night (5924) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

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  (214): It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire. http://tfl.nu/v2n0
  Replies (19) Good night (5050) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107945) Bad night (8843) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life

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  (304): you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life http://tfl.nu/wcmr
  Replies (12) Good night (5656) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.

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  (954): you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you. http://tfl.nu/vwt4
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.

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  (313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone. http://tfl.nu/vfbd
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Eco-friendly.

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  (515): I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly? (1-515): Eco-friendly. http://tfl.nu/yssm
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i may or may not be watching the land before time

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  (404): i may or may not be watching the land before time http://tfl.nu/fmo5
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

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  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
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  (516): View more from New York

  the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY

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  (516): the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY http://tfl.nu/b20j
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

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  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
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  (510): View more from California

  Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

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  (510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/2xfe
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  (315): View more from New York

  some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"

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  (315): some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!" http://tfl.nu/pcn6
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

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  (318): I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now http://tfl.nu/xdsb
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.

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  (303): That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now. http://tfl.nu/5jdl
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  (916): View more from California

  and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse

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  (916): and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse http://tfl.nu/0v20
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer

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  (240): We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer http://tfl.nu/ersc
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.

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  (513): You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm. http://tfl.nu/60sn
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