Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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