Texts From Last Night

KyleeCanDance's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place. http://tfl.nu/aqji
  Replies (9) Good night (5351) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about" http://tfl.nu/sw9a
  Replies (8) Good night (1491) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.

  (360): View more from Washington

  It was me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who. (360): It was me. http://tfl.nu/kgk9
  Replies (3) Good night (2525) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do. http://tfl.nu/i2co
  Replies (20) Good night (882) Bad night (1713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick. http://tfl.nu/pl6y
  Replies (18) Good night (845) Bad night (1749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore. http://tfl.nu/o0ab
  Replies (25) Good night (1290) Bad night (2892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving http://tfl.nu/hfo8
  Replies (3) Good night (1331) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby. http://tfl.nu/udcn
  Replies (51) Good night (9186) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic. http://tfl.nu/9ab0
  Replies (15) Good night (961) Bad night (2156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  You eat cookies in the shower?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie. (1-608): You eat cookies in the shower? http://tfl.nu/pj2d
  Replies (10) Good night (3099) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate. http://tfl.nu/qrjm
  Replies (13) Good night (4080) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes http://tfl.nu/99as
  Replies (5) Good night (1643) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable http://tfl.nu/6hw3
  Replies (32) Good night (994) Bad night (1670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9
  Replies (7) Good night (4231) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you. http://tfl.nu/crxb
  Replies (9) Good night (3186) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard. http://tfl.nu/jn37
  Replies (11) Good night (2124) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever. http://tfl.nu/xm2c
  Replies (40) Good night (7567) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs. http://tfl.nu/5va8
  Replies (15) Good night (2223) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (16994) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
  Replies (18) Good night (4198) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw! http://tfl.nu/e9vz
  Replies (14) Good night (3210) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
  Replies (31) Good night (2549) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar http://tfl.nu/3165
  Replies (19) Good night (3705) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (984): View more from North Carolina

  i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (984): i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight. http://tfl.nu/cncx
  Replies (22) Good night (4097) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa. http://tfl.nu/kz18
  Replies (3) Good night (1793) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods http://tfl.nu/gefu
  Replies (3) Good night (558) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby. http://tfl.nu/i81q
  Replies (101) Good night (5588) Bad night (1587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation. http://tfl.nu/sh4c
  Replies (19) Good night (3023) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character. http://tfl.nu/w2hk
  Replies (8) Good night (824) Bad night (2149)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hcvk
  Replies (47) Good night (5036) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move http://tfl.nu/h1eb
  Replies (26) Good night (2716) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding. http://tfl.nu/inbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1781) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing. http://tfl.nu/abhc
  Replies (3) Good night (559) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn. http://tfl.nu/ndq7
  Replies (4) Good night (2710) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me. http://tfl.nu/pfoh
  Replies (7) Good night (3090) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko
  Replies (41) Good night (8522) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship. http://tfl.nu/nd0o
  Replies (20) Good night (2693) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there. http://tfl.nu/knxy
  Replies (11) Good night (3273) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous http://tfl.nu/li9c
  Replies (19) Good night (7294) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis. http://tfl.nu/m0vb
  Replies (20) Good night (1017) Bad night (4314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called. http://tfl.nu/6o7h
  Replies (12) Good night (820) Bad night (5500)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going http://tfl.nu/ebwx
  Replies (6) Good night (900) Bad night (2497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (43795) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase. http://tfl.nu/9rce
  Replies (11) Good night (3994) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant. http://tfl.nu/c7ag
  Replies (23) Good night (3082) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass. http://tfl.nu/jig4
  Replies (18) Good night (5283) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5392) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
  Replies (48) Good night (12820) Bad night (1315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  At least we don't have one night stands

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  True that. We sink our claws in our men.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): At least we don't have one night stands (1-765): True that. We sink our claws in our men. http://tfl.nu/8zkt
  Replies (8) Good night (2304) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13196) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station http://tfl.nu/mj5u
  Replies (10) Good night (870) Bad night (3294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38291) Bad night (1724)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS" http://tfl.nu/1s89
  Replies (35) Good night (3827) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (5930) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically http://tfl.nu/zfwj
  Replies (27) Good night (8208) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster. http://tfl.nu/3vkx
  Replies (22) Good night (4072) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb
  Replies (33) Good night (9687) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by. http://tfl.nu/hvbu
  Replies (14) Good night (3066) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders. http://tfl.nu/ji4s
  Replies (3) Good night (2114) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (438): I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures. http://tfl.nu/qhtl
  Replies (17) Good night (3023) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted
  Replies (104) Good night (8358) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love? http://tfl.nu/2z3k
  Replies (14) Good night (562) Bad night (2216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on http://tfl.nu/6fw7
  Replies (5) Good night (2480) Bad night (1344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/2gcf
  Replies (32) Good night (13401) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up. http://tfl.nu/ay5l
  Replies (33) Good night (1190) Bad night (5106)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman http://tfl.nu/t3mw
  Replies (5) Good night (1279) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you http://tfl.nu/8puo
  Replies (39) Good night (19391) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  mondays should just be called national damage control day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): mondays should just be called national damage control day http://tfl.nu/14ab
  Replies (15) Good night (4606) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell. http://tfl.nu/74j4
  Replies (30) Good night (823) Bad night (3632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs. http://tfl.nu/4a67
  Replies (18) Good night (5758) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (10249) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (7726) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story (307): The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant. http://tfl.nu/nooi
  Replies (16) Good night (5835) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter. http://tfl.nu/55jx
  Replies (4) Good night (2923) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day. http://tfl.nu/xpns
  Replies (29) Good night (6027) Bad night (2300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best. http://tfl.nu/21y4
  Replies (14) Good night (2368) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  True romance of the 21st century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza
  Replies (62) Good night (13050) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God. http://tfl.nu/n9ll
  Replies (43) Good night (1197) Bad night (6839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome http://tfl.nu/rn4a
  Replies (7) Good night (4577) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt. http://tfl.nu/ymql
  Replies (17) Good night (4541) Bad night (528)