Texts From Last Night

BigBounceTricity's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless? http://tfl.nu/wpih
  Replies (24) Good night (1179) Bad night (3812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
  Replies (15) Good night (3145) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships. http://tfl.nu/x14j
  Replies (5) Good night (2735) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex. http://tfl.nu/x3q5
  Replies (13) Good night (884) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done? http://tfl.nu/t5qr
  Replies (13) Good night (2691) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at. http://tfl.nu/ro5c
  Replies (11) Good night (5852) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover. http://tfl.nu/7xqn
  Replies (10) Good night (563) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36537) Bad night (5023)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
  Replies (33) Good night (2868) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  The bars here don't close until 4!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  my legs don't close until 4

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): The bars here don't close until 4! (703): my legs don't close until 4 http://tfl.nu/ja9y
  Replies (28) Good night (3624) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion. http://tfl.nu/fs9l
  Replies (13) Good night (1050) Bad night (5383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish http://tfl.nu/77ap
  Replies (11) Good night (2373) Bad night (1539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  "omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!! (1-313): "omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore" http://tfl.nu/6kn3
  Replies (20) Good night (547) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story

  (702): View more from Nevada

  they all just nodded

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story (702): they all just nodded http://tfl.nu/l03v
  Replies (6) Good night (2402) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs... http://tfl.nu/sf3t
  Replies (56) Good night (1361) Bad night (4111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported http://tfl.nu/ddun
  Replies (7) Good night (1447) Bad night (2679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..." http://tfl.nu/ca9j
  Replies (17) Good night (819) Bad night (5735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls http://tfl.nu/dudn
  Replies (14) Good night (2241) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder? http://tfl.nu/zxu8
  Replies (105) Good night (1633) Bad night (1787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe http://tfl.nu/0gxj
  Replies (17) Good night (832) Bad night (3258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy http://tfl.nu/8awt
  Replies (110) Good night (14724) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape. http://tfl.nu/qdov
  Replies (7) Good night (2933) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps? http://tfl.nu/14qf
  Replies (47) Good night (837) Bad night (5189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i think i'm in class. and blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i think i'm in class. and blacked out. http://tfl.nu/l2ml
  Replies (5) Good night (2020) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist. http://tfl.nu/h6i5
  Replies (39) Good night (5266) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport???? http://tfl.nu/yffg
  Replies (11) Good night (758) Bad night (3166)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/kgmn
  Replies (24) Good night (4607) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too. http://tfl.nu/c8jr
  Replies (24) Good night (634) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  i gets down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down. (1-218): i gets down http://tfl.nu/usv6
  Replies (14) Good night (3559) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it. http://tfl.nu/6y9b
  Replies (36) Good night (5610) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  How have you survived this long?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8
  Replies (9) Good night (3101) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller." http://tfl.nu/x4em
  Replies (21) Good night (2789) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/v5hf
  Replies (41) Good night (8000) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective http://tfl.nu/bge2
  Replies (8) Good night (1499) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight. http://tfl.nu/ti0f
  Replies (2) Good night (1808) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop. http://tfl.nu/tczb
  Replies (17) Good night (3294) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (13232) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control." http://tfl.nu/dz9s
  Replies (12) Good night (1561) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you. http://tfl.nu/ievp
  Replies (8) Good night (1823) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.

  (415): View more from California

  No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest. (415): No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans http://tfl.nu/liuw
  Replies (13) Good night (4415) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/nr8v
  Replies (12) Good night (2854) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too. http://tfl.nu/dkri
  Replies (19) Good night (6807) Bad night (1513)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (57) Good night (8189) Bad night (1927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing. http://tfl.nu/4hkr
  Replies (1) Good night (712) Bad night (2270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one. http://tfl.nu/c556
  Replies (5) Good night (1589) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Show him your tits if he says no

  (1-209): View more from California

  They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Show him your tits if he says no (1-209): They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits. http://tfl.nu/0j62
  Replies (8) Good night (1963) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him? http://tfl.nu/r9a3
  Replies (21) Good night (1169) Bad night (1548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates. http://tfl.nu/faj1
  Replies (5) Good night (2417) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors. http://tfl.nu/4w9v
  Replies (20) Good night (3531) Bad night (1806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro

  (773): View more from Illinois

  yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro (773): yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house. (708): how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience? http://tfl.nu/hgr9
  Replies (10) Good night (5134) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine http://tfl.nu/vvgu
  Replies (7) Good night (2170) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls. http://tfl.nu/cfx1
  Replies (7) Good night (1919) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle? http://tfl.nu/rwr7
  Replies (17) Good night (1226) Bad night (3116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place... http://tfl.nu/dgik
  Replies (5) Good night (1201) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (17020) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear http://tfl.nu/30cm
  Replies (14) Good night (1729) Bad night (3830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  hot girl, 5 o clock

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  do you know how to read a clock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): hot girl, 5 o clock (1-630): do you know how to read a clock? http://tfl.nu/x1wt
  Replies (17) Good night (1307) Bad night (2854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake. http://tfl.nu/fpto
  Replies (50) Good night (1353) Bad night (5442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): 1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square. http://tfl.nu/c9pr
  Replies (4) Good night (2356) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6925) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that? (541): It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you. http://tfl.nu/ntpo
  Replies (15) Good night (721) Bad night (2364)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide

  (231): View more from Michigan

  please tell me this is not legit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide (231): please tell me this is not legit http://tfl.nu/bait
  Replies (33) Good night (5567) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson. http://tfl.nu/jbmm
  Replies (6) Good night (707) Bad night (1717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo http://tfl.nu/892m
  Replies (17) Good night (2534) Bad night (4033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad? http://tfl.nu/48x6
  Replies (21) Good night (973) Bad night (4518)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/cv6a
  Replies (8) Good night (1977) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen" http://tfl.nu/038r
  Replies (8) Good night (2612) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Want me to give your number to an army recruiter? (614): I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist? (330): I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us. http://tfl.nu/ti2n
  Replies (6) Good night (3299) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish. http://tfl.nu/tpdo
  Replies (15) Good night (842) Bad night (3598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party http://tfl.nu/m7il
  Replies (4) Good night (1915) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson. http://tfl.nu/vrgn
  Replies (19) Good night (4801) Bad night (1910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed. http://tfl.nu/4web
  Replies (6) Good night (3137) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,

  (679): View more from Michigan

  I wanted to be a dolphin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it.., (679): I wanted to be a dolphin. http://tfl.nu/th6t
  Replies (10) Good night (4996) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad? http://tfl.nu/r4ig
  Replies (14) Good night (1199) Bad night (1878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery http://tfl.nu/ntn4
  Replies (9) Good night (3133) Bad night (1658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast? http://tfl.nu/62uv
  Replies (14) Good night (1562) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): What sexual position says im sorry for your loss? http://tfl.nu/sjhl
  Replies (26) Good night (2240) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas http://tfl.nu/w87e
  Replies (10) Good night (1559) Bad night (3007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number. http://tfl.nu/j9e9
  Replies (21) Good night (3591) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Your friend and I already don't get along

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend. (734): Your friend and I already don't get along http://tfl.nu/d3pe
  Replies (4) Good night (3314) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter. http://tfl.nu/c050
  Replies (4) Good night (2794) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect http://tfl.nu/4whi
  Replies (4) Good night (5242) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail? http://tfl.nu/evev
  Replies (7) Good night (2698) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk. http://tfl.nu/2qzx
  Replies (4) Good night (1748) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142369) Bad night (9365) Order T-Shirt