1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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