Texts From Last Night · cemmylou2001's Favorites

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cemmylou2001's Favorites Texts:

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(541): View more from Oregon

I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.

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(845): View more from New York

On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.

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(727): View more from Florida

Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+61): View more from Australia

The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."

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(443): View more from Maryland

Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.

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(757): View more from Virginia

pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?

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