Texts From Last Night

Kamster's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...

  (512): View more from Texas

  This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it (1-512): We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream... (512): This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life. http://tfl.nu/ar28
  Replies (5) Good night (2566) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough. http://tfl.nu/1lj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1672) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie. http://tfl.nu/3kb9
  Replies (16) Good night (1127) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van http://tfl.nu/z2ov
  Replies (2) Good night (1991) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So did he inherit the massive family cock?

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So did he inherit the massive family cock? (1-317): :( http://tfl.nu/a8a5
  Replies (9) Good night (438) Bad night (1985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): whoa! who said he's my boyfriend? (1-306): Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina. http://tfl.nu/k1yy
  Replies (7) Good night (2644) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Alls I remember is making out with that chick.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nope that was a dude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Alls I remember is making out with that chick. (612): Nope that was a dude http://tfl.nu/9vd8
  Replies (16) Good night (995) Bad night (2225)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face http://tfl.nu/s7dy
  Replies (12) Good night (560) Bad night (1837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying http://tfl.nu/wg7d
  Replies (3) Good night (1462) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN http://tfl.nu/tdjl
  Replies (10) Good night (1808) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Love me.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just for one nugget?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Love me. (781): GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS. (508): Just for one nugget? http://tfl.nu/9y03
  Replies (6) Good night (2589) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine. http://tfl.nu/rrcc
  Replies (3) Good night (1717) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you. http://tfl.nu/i3nm
  Replies (4) Good night (1471) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  ur mom makes the best bacon

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): ur mom makes the best bacon (1-570): WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE http://tfl.nu/0ryx
  Replies (13) Good night (3492) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort. http://tfl.nu/rrlp
  Replies (5) Good night (381) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal" http://tfl.nu/879f
  Replies (6) Good night (1536) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you. http://tfl.nu/55zo
  Replies (4) Good night (1210) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this. http://tfl.nu/o1x8
  Replies (52) Good night (12476) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating. http://tfl.nu/sjit
  Replies (35) Good night (13370) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month" http://tfl.nu/8vpl
  Replies (46) Good night (14665) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (16405) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner. http://tfl.nu/otz7
  Replies (36) Good night (16587) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16783) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (17582) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (17800) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (17889) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
  Replies (24) Good night (17863) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (18182) Bad night (1175)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20501) Bad night (1811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25453) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27825) Bad night (1798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs. http://tfl.nu/mrim
  Replies (8) Good night (1014) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing. http://tfl.nu/h7oz
  Replies (6) Good night (1061) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (39845) Bad night (1917)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43781) Bad night (4559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56822) Bad night (4686)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59091) Bad night (7116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168221) Bad night (42146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/am8n
  Replies (11) Good night (5277) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (19) Good night (4113) Bad night (2425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (578): View more from

  oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (578): oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home. http://tfl.nu/mth9
  Replies (13) Good night (988) Bad night (3149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period. http://tfl.nu/d1q3
  Replies (7) Good night (4914) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o9nw
  Replies (12) Good night (2303) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love http://tfl.nu/30hf
  Replies (17) Good night (6409) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/4et1
  Replies (11) Good night (855) Bad night (3411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners. http://tfl.nu/ba89
  Replies (11) Good night (2130) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced. http://tfl.nu/7rns
  Replies (13) Good night (2010) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/35sp
  Replies (11) Good night (1938) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE http://tfl.nu/8spd
  Replies (17) Good night (767) Bad night (1743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  21st birthday = success

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though (1-781): 21st birthday = success http://tfl.nu/y3qn
  Replies (8) Good night (1469) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok http://tfl.nu/pfjn
  Replies (4) Good night (613) Bad night (1922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara. http://tfl.nu/ndct
  Replies (6) Good night (1501) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  When in doubt always reply with bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon. (1-740): When in doubt always reply with bacon. http://tfl.nu/8s4u
  Replies (18) Good night (2663) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  We're going to catch a squirrel this summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): We're going to catch a squirrel this summer http://tfl.nu/ykra
  Replies (9) Good night (1529) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence. http://tfl.nu/yx0o
  Replies (4) Good night (1879) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Marco

  (954): View more from Florida

  Polo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): These days, you and me are swimming in dicks. (1-954): Marco (954): Polo http://tfl.nu/zk92
  Replies (6) Good night (2396) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life http://tfl.nu/x15r
  Replies (22) Good night (877) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to http://tfl.nu/xfm2
  Replies (7) Good night (1725) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell. http://tfl.nu/9drc
  Replies (19) Good night (1679) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dont have a dog?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it (508): I dont have a dog? (774): WTF http://tfl.nu/8rlm
  Replies (7) Good night (713) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/e8qk
  Replies (7) Good night (1639) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27865) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance http://tfl.nu/osk3
  Replies (4) Good night (3009) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off... http://tfl.nu/dj4h
  Replies (2) Good night (1179) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food. http://tfl.nu/gt6w
  Replies (11) Good night (2572) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
  Replies (12) Good night (5530) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself. http://tfl.nu/ufys
  Replies (46) Good night (503) Bad night (3170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before. http://tfl.nu/gqc0
  Replies (14) Good night (5894) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer. http://tfl.nu/ubeq
  Replies (31) Good night (3055) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright. http://tfl.nu/jxj8
  Replies (6) Good night (2623) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times. http://tfl.nu/xxc1
  Replies (8) Good night (1086) Bad night (3454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons http://tfl.nu/5vf8
  Replies (3) Good night (1092) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry. http://tfl.nu/kkr1
  Replies (7) Good night (2925) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (9445) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips http://tfl.nu/376c
  Replies (7) Good night (4997) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly. http://tfl.nu/a3gz
  Replies (21) Good night (5717) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/wiel
  Replies (25) Good night (1251) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people. http://tfl.nu/19v1
  Replies (12) Good night (1683) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt