Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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