Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Wat do u mean how?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl