who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
