Texts From Last Night

ktrue's Favorites Texts:

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  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

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  (318): I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/2gyi
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.

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  (843): i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding. http://tfl.nu/yb0x
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

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  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (24693) Bad night (1717)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8759) Bad night (1203)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.

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  (702): She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note. http://tfl.nu/7aam
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.

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  (720): You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset. http://tfl.nu/s72o
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  (+33): View more from France

  how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

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  (+33): how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men? http://tfl.nu/4scz
  Replies (61) Good night (6851) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?

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  (412): You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy? http://tfl.nu/p3a3
  Replies (9) Good night (3906) Bad night (900)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

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  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22294) Bad night (1511)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.

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  (302): he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex. http://tfl.nu/7jw4
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.

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  (703): you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him. http://tfl.nu/eh64
  Replies (26) Good night (4982) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6893) Bad night (1208)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

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  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (23) Good night (6312) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.

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  (305): We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had. http://tfl.nu/tauu
  Replies (26) Good night (5511) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"

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  (484): I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation" http://tfl.nu/sb0g
  Replies (19) Good night (7460) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

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  (515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw
  Replies (13) Good night (8609) Bad night (889)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.

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  (416): I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny. (905): Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night. http://tfl.nu/j8pa
  Replies (13) Good night (4246) Bad night (842)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

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  (440): New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron." http://tfl.nu/0r6l
  Replies (26) Good night (5921) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.

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  (703): All I need in life is some dick and a big mac. http://tfl.nu/2v25
  Replies (65) Good night (6313) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"

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  (919): It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it" http://tfl.nu/8bv4
  Replies (11) Good night (5231) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

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  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (140) Good night (6997) Bad night (1643) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

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  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2233) Bad night (7323) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.

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  (704): He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/j8z9
  Replies (32) Good night (5691) Bad night (3461)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

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  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
  Replies (378) Good night (1926) Bad night (53574) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.

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  (410): She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible. http://tfl.nu/n7ul
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark

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  (206): I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark http://tfl.nu/8yek
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!

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  (205): you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!! http://tfl.nu/1wys
  Replies (9) Good night (6085) Bad night (898)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

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  (612): I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday. http://tfl.nu/86uh
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

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  (989): dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away http://tfl.nu/dlah
  Replies (30) Good night (1592) Bad night (7559)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

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  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (39) Good night (10233) Bad night (887)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

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  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4808) Bad night (9131)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.

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  (416): No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up. http://tfl.nu/0i7a
  Replies (14) Good night (4513) Bad night (2529) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.

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  (647): Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar. http://tfl.nu/rv9o
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.

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  (541): This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors. http://tfl.nu/qolh
  Replies (27) Good night (5378) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

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  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.

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  (570): Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/1c0i
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

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  (514): ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop http://tfl.nu/2wez
  Replies (21) Good night (6330) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5041) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

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  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (63) Good night (20366) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6763) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.

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  (302): I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn. http://tfl.nu/nwzi
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

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  (773): She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win. (1-773): Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married http://tfl.nu/w32w
  Replies (19) Good night (1019) Bad night (7340)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

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  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
  Replies (40) Good night (8677) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

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  (484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f
  Replies (26) Good night (10977) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

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  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (15234) Bad night (1119)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...

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  (812): Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people... http://tfl.nu/4gx3
  Replies (16) Good night (2106) Bad night (5589) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...

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  (386): Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland... http://tfl.nu/taw4
  Replies (9) Good night (5602) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.

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  (208): She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again. http://tfl.nu/3vjv
  Replies (15) Good night (940) Bad night (5555) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (80) Good night (44141) Bad night (1701) Order T-Shirt
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  (234): View more from Ohio

  No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.

  (387): View more from

  I don't know what to judge you more for.

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  (234): No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods. (387): I don't know what to judge you more for. http://tfl.nu/wm5k
  Replies (18) Good night (3904) Bad night (1071)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (13787) Bad night (1228)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  That's the best idea I've heard all day.

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  (248): Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls. (1-248): That's the best idea I've heard all day. http://tfl.nu/w1qi
  Replies (30) Good night (8952) Bad night (2521)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

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  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54911) Bad night (6417) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

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  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (31) Good night (9437) Bad night (942)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.

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  (989): I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight. http://tfl.nu/b4pp
  Replies (32) Good night (6775) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.

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  (256): Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay. http://tfl.nu/5ucl
  Replies (27) Good night (1302) Bad night (4746) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

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  (541): we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people. http://tfl.nu/d8wc
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

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  (717): She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands... http://tfl.nu/ij5g
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

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  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
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  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

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  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.

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  (508): I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car. http://tfl.nu/9e5w
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  (409): View more from Texas

  white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character

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  (409): white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character http://tfl.nu/8uci
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.

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  (+44): the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men. http://tfl.nu/tbrv
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  (713): View more from Texas

  We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.

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  (713): We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10. http://tfl.nu/4t0m
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.

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  (918): My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost. http://tfl.nu/50uv
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?

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  (617): I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks? http://tfl.nu/26q7
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.

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  (503): Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie. http://tfl.nu/g56z
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

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  (570): you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together http://tfl.nu/6q67
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

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  (416): that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle http://tfl.nu/ax2q
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.

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  (616): I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico. http://tfl.nu/ms4f
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

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  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
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