Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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