I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
