Texts From Last Night

mdp963's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days! (804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us! (703): well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted. http://tfl.nu/ybes
  Replies (48) Good night (5622) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (51520) Bad night (1868)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty. http://tfl.nu/rhpp
  Replies (29) Good night (7021) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.

  (1-909): View more from California

  3?

  (909): View more from California

  Me, myself and I

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking. (1-909): 3? (909): Me, myself and I http://tfl.nu/gl4k
  Replies (3) Good night (1300) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28031) Bad night (2535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56841) Bad night (4687)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop. http://tfl.nu/iw16
  Replies (20) Good night (3576) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom. http://tfl.nu/0i9y
  Replies (12) Good night (4558) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  fireball beer pong. youre missing out

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  how is that even possible?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ove gloves.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  be there in ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): fireball beer pong. youre missing out (732): how is that even possible? (908): ove gloves. (732): be there in ten. http://tfl.nu/dpvx
  Replies (30) Good night (8783) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (4909) Bad night (1735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you http://tfl.nu/ddyv
  Replies (13) Good night (2645) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing. http://tfl.nu/hr4b
  Replies (17) Good night (4159) Bad night (1863)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge http://tfl.nu/8cfm
  Replies (15) Good night (3781) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing. http://tfl.nu/dwve
  Replies (6) Good night (2199) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19644) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (30) Good night (11885) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930. http://tfl.nu/kxnv
  Replies (14) Good night (2971) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list. http://tfl.nu/ifsp
  Replies (20) Good night (7820) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him. http://tfl.nu/xni0
  Replies (15) Good night (3891) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her. http://tfl.nu/sdzd
  Replies (13) Good night (5502) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off. http://tfl.nu/a9zf
  Replies (17) Good night (3996) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton http://tfl.nu/cmqr
  Replies (2) Good night (3247) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus. http://tfl.nu/d22v
  Replies (20) Good night (9064) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will. http://tfl.nu/iz1b
  Replies (18) Good night (3005) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/e2rh
  Replies (29) Good night (5687) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth. http://tfl.nu/q63e
  Replies (10) Good night (798) Bad night (3448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday.... http://tfl.nu/1vhm
  Replies (4) Good night (1618) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine http://tfl.nu/h16d
  Replies (15) Good night (3332) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house. http://tfl.nu/7m77
  Replies (8) Good night (3959) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor http://tfl.nu/o59i
  Replies (25) Good night (3957) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night. http://tfl.nu/58lp
  Replies (18) Good night (929) Bad night (3904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people http://tfl.nu/xhvq
  Replies (28) Good night (1305) Bad night (5188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake. http://tfl.nu/fpto
  Replies (50) Good night (1341) Bad night (5427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table. http://tfl.nu/8dv6
  Replies (7) Good night (4159) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck. http://tfl.nu/z7fe
  Replies (21) Good night (8155) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Is it working?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ? (828): Is it working? http://tfl.nu/tjek
  Replies (18) Good night (4637) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh http://tfl.nu/jb8q
  Replies (19) Good night (2938) Bad night (1305)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven? http://tfl.nu/9wj5
  Replies (10) Good night (3032) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now. http://tfl.nu/uslm
  Replies (1) Good night (2883) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72050) Bad night (2124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL http://tfl.nu/qlmv
  Replies (4) Good night (2877) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): 2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home http://tfl.nu/gyyq
  Replies (13) Good night (5193) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9898) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard? http://tfl.nu/3z7i
  Replies (20) Good night (4317) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS. http://tfl.nu/dubs
  Replies (59) Good night (6961) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43793) Bad night (4562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up http://tfl.nu/jzw8
  Replies (30) Good night (1012) Bad night (4742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately? http://tfl.nu/0g6n
  Replies (18) Good night (7538) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her. http://tfl.nu/6ypm
  Replies (49) Good night (17462) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (10182) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (51) Good night (17103) Bad night (1386)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER! http://tfl.nu/qf7o
  Replies (9) Good night (775) Bad night (1838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): 4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen. http://tfl.nu/v3bi
  Replies (17) Good night (5297) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting http://tfl.nu/p4gt
  Replies (14) Good night (6417) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos. http://tfl.nu/cmhg
  Replies (11) Good night (5245) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed. http://tfl.nu/k43u
  Replies (4) Good night (2143) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/y3gw
  Replies (11) Good night (8317) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances," http://tfl.nu/u663
  Replies (83) Good night (3461) Bad night (2701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face http://tfl.nu/f86d
  Replies (46) Good night (10569) Bad night (2609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence. http://tfl.nu/pvbz
  Replies (11) Good night (5170) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59119) Bad night (7123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62255) Bad night (4267)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66709) Bad night (2998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86074) Bad night (8379)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80186) Bad night (4306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73379) Bad night (2468) Order T-Shirt