my soul wont recognize me after tonight
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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