Texts From Last Night

brixx22's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all. http://tfl.nu/7eme
  Replies (12) Good night (3283) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this. http://tfl.nu/ipvr
  Replies (8) Good night (2922) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?

  (212): View more from New York

  Vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type? (212): Vagina http://tfl.nu/du5r
  Replies (9) Good night (1802) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos! (317): Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto? (630): Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos http://tfl.nu/vb21
  Replies (20) Good night (2296) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell http://tfl.nu/re5w
  Replies (11) Good night (3510) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka. http://tfl.nu/vpiu
  Replies (10) Good night (4349) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while http://tfl.nu/u1c9
  Replies (21) Good night (4886) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  details please.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life. (1-317): details please. (317): they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first." http://tfl.nu/d384
  Replies (61) Good night (4979) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
  Replies (31) Good night (5388) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader? http://tfl.nu/orgq
  Replies (31) Good night (7199) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10386) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out http://tfl.nu/qumr
  Replies (16) Good night (4535) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter. http://tfl.nu/rjmj
  Replies (10) Good night (4105) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party... http://tfl.nu/sqle
  Replies (21) Good night (7667) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober" http://tfl.nu/vzc2
  Replies (6) Good night (3798) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked. http://tfl.nu/py4z
  Replies (7) Good night (3619) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table http://tfl.nu/g7sx
  Replies (15) Good night (3577) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat. http://tfl.nu/m2ko
  Replies (9) Good night (4840) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (16566) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old http://tfl.nu/y7b8
  Replies (23) Good night (1573) Bad night (6444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt
  Replies (44) Good night (5316) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (5928) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us http://tfl.nu/1uhw
  Replies (29) Good night (5853) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different. http://tfl.nu/tob0
  Replies (11) Good night (4506) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10160) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (1500) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem http://tfl.nu/6j6s
  Replies (6) Good night (481) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month http://tfl.nu/ruzp
  Replies (4) Good night (1724) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (9683) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac.... http://tfl.nu/v8jl
  Replies (12) Good night (803) Bad night (5104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left. http://tfl.nu/94x2
  Replies (19) Good night (8679) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (4858) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense. http://tfl.nu/zmp3
  Replies (12) Good night (5480) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims? http://tfl.nu/jffq
  Replies (45) Good night (3751) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (285) Good night (60321) Bad night (3668)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section. http://tfl.nu/g47a
  Replies (44) Good night (1741) Bad night (5768)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8254) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11616) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you http://tfl.nu/n6kx
  Replies (20) Good night (5922) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar. http://tfl.nu/t9uo
  Replies (59) Good night (4746) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia
  Replies (34) Good night (11169) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture. http://tfl.nu/15y7
  Replies (36) Good night (12012) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (11976) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12194) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16100) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (71) Good night (17659) Bad night (3272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16062) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20558) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren
  Replies (65) Good night (18932) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (30) Good night (27431) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (155) Good night (30019) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36353) Bad night (2650)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36400) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38043) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41852) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (114) Good night (44021) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49209) Bad night (5110)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (38274) Bad night (1593)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42211) Bad night (1636)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49123) Bad night (2152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68151) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (45) Good night (45517) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69182) Bad night (1983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (117) Good night (43644) Bad night (2951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59247) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39829) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52340) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64495) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt