I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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