he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it glows. i had to have it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
