Texts From Last Night

swheels's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/0o8e
  Replies (7) Good night (3624) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college. http://tfl.nu/snfw
  Replies (3) Good night (3462) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
  Replies (7) Good night (3812) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong http://tfl.nu/3blf
  Replies (10) Good night (3907) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

  (941): View more from Florida

  it was a krispy kreme

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut. (941): it was a krispy kreme http://tfl.nu/o743
  Replies (13) Good night (4569) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am http://tfl.nu/gygo
  Replies (6) Good night (1381) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals (480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again? http://tfl.nu/ph9z
  Replies (4) Good night (4647) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/ippt
  Replies (8) Good night (2252) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me http://tfl.nu/lgfh
  Replies (9) Good night (2771) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast. http://tfl.nu/a05x
  Replies (9) Good night (2929) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick http://tfl.nu/ww0j
  Replies (11) Good night (3568) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms http://tfl.nu/sbef
  Replies (17) Good night (3441) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover. http://tfl.nu/pxbl
  Replies (8) Good night (3497) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical http://tfl.nu/7e1z
  Replies (7) Good night (3827) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now? http://tfl.nu/s9tm
  Replies (11) Good night (3674) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (18) Good night (4484) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (4718) Bad night (1580)
• Favorite

  (523): View more from

  Hey did where's my bong?

  (1-523): View more from

  In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right

  (523): View more from

  Should I bother to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (523): Hey did where's my bong? (1-523): In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right (523): Should I bother to ask? http://tfl.nu/hj27
  Replies (8) Good night (2712) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt. http://tfl.nu/toh0
  Replies (22) Good night (2693) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs. http://tfl.nu/zkx1
  Replies (13) Good night (2508) Bad night (1817)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex. http://tfl.nu/opu2
  Replies (11) Good night (3514) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake http://tfl.nu/m3xg
  Replies (13) Good night (2971) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS. http://tfl.nu/nces
  Replies (4) Good night (1959) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (13) Good night (10706) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right http://tfl.nu/lb7z
  Replies (3) Good night (3489) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA http://tfl.nu/ppt3
  Replies (23) Good night (2682) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat. http://tfl.nu/7ors
  Replies (13) Good night (3772) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed.. http://tfl.nu/orkv
  Replies (3) Good night (3582) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (351): View more from Massachusetts

  the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (351): the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me. http://tfl.nu/s3y3
  Replies (5) Good night (3874) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential. http://tfl.nu/x59i
  Replies (6) Good night (1579) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon http://tfl.nu/xy8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3043) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink http://tfl.nu/oigr
  Replies (19) Good night (3582) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day. http://tfl.nu/lmzq
  Replies (8) Good night (3010) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron. http://tfl.nu/g77l
  Replies (15) Good night (3950) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine http://tfl.nu/w37w
  Replies (6) Good night (1924) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie. http://tfl.nu/il2e
  Replies (15) Good night (3653) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  my self respect just called, its having a good time without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): my self respect just called, its having a good time without me http://tfl.nu/iprn
  Replies (9) Good night (2735) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker. http://tfl.nu/28bg
  Replies (18) Good night (6047) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I demand visitation hours with the duck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I demand visitation hours with the duck. http://tfl.nu/cyd2
  Replies (10) Good night (3867) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15 http://tfl.nu/scbj
  Replies (7) Good night (2296) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday? http://tfl.nu/4464
  Replies (5) Good night (2182) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo
  Replies (12) Good night (6496) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish http://tfl.nu/fk29
  Replies (12) Good night (2490) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly http://tfl.nu/mkzb
  Replies (6) Good night (2764) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.

  (1-661): View more from California

  1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): 1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place. (1-661): 1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up http://tfl.nu/wu9m
  Replies (12) Good night (3951) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real http://tfl.nu/tylh
  Replies (5) Good night (3682) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god" http://tfl.nu/2xo4
  Replies (10) Good night (4023) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?' http://tfl.nu/rnao
  Replies (12) Good night (3521) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before http://tfl.nu/meit
  Replies (4) Good night (2779) Bad night (3003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/ipi0
  Replies (8) Good night (3663) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her. http://tfl.nu/v3pj
  Replies (5) Good night (2815) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again. http://tfl.nu/1y07
  Replies (24) Good night (6766) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse. http://tfl.nu/qxpq
  Replies (6) Good night (2176) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop? http://tfl.nu/8g34
  Replies (22) Good night (5701) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night. http://tfl.nu/9q4k
  Replies (8) Good night (2890) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful. http://tfl.nu/bz9e
  Replies (7) Good night (2883) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Drunk

  (845): View more from New York

  Deyhxbr

  (845): View more from New York

  Fucaerrrrr

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Drunk (845): Deyhxbr (845): Fucaerrrrr http://tfl.nu/ddt4
  Replies (10) Good night (2308) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class http://tfl.nu/hcaw
  Replies (10) Good night (2796) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/lmmj
  Replies (6) Good night (871) Bad night (3214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas http://tfl.nu/kf1k
  Replies (13) Good night (2718) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now? http://tfl.nu/l9c5
  Replies (6) Good night (2593) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (8403) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts http://tfl.nu/t2mu
  Replies (6) Good night (2685) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name? http://tfl.nu/qxdg
  Replies (3) Good night (2465) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win. http://tfl.nu/2dfk
  Replies (8) Good night (4430) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant. http://tfl.nu/9xux
  Replies (1) Good night (2092) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I have no recollection of sleep choking you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I have no recollection of sleep choking you http://tfl.nu/6fhf
  Replies (8) Good night (1247) Bad night (1938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (8672) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up. http://tfl.nu/4lr7
  Replies (6) Good night (3232) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf
  Replies (28) Good night (7331) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me http://tfl.nu/yht9
  Replies (7) Good night (3178) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/5s6y
  Replies (22) Good night (4077) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money. http://tfl.nu/ged1
  Replies (5) Good night (3797) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them http://tfl.nu/0wmz
  Replies (4) Good night (1992) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg http://tfl.nu/tr8k
  Replies (6) Good night (2002) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it. http://tfl.nu/dyf5
  Replies (8) Good night (2646) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19435) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5640) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow http://tfl.nu/sj2l
  Replies (13) Good night (5081) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf http://tfl.nu/c2bo
  Replies (47) Good night (6586) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY http://tfl.nu/h6do
  Replies (47) Good night (2775) Bad night (13920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet. http://tfl.nu/ajf1
  Replies (23) Good night (7136) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7502) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28202) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it. http://tfl.nu/9gem
  Replies (48) Good night (1553) Bad night (5642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring. http://tfl.nu/hdeg
  Replies (30) Good night (5695) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup http://tfl.nu/zlwx
  Replies (19) Good night (7684) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt