i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
