Texts From Last Night

ticklemetaytay's Favorites Texts:

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

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  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5358) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.

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  (203): She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday. (917): Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA. http://tfl.nu/ow5e
  Replies (11) Good night (8636) Bad night (768)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.

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  (941): Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick. http://tfl.nu/3ndf
  Replies (15) Good night (1428) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.

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  (478): I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths. http://tfl.nu/2srv
  Replies (38) Good night (9961) Bad night (1726) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.

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  (815): If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight. http://tfl.nu/9c3v
  Replies (40) Good night (2949) Bad night (6600) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.

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  (703): All I need in life is some dick and a big mac. http://tfl.nu/2v25
  Replies (65) Good night (6111) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"

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  (401): apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot" http://tfl.nu/gtmt
  Replies (7) Good night (4831) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

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  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
  Replies (61) Good night (12686) Bad night (831)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

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  (202): the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other. http://tfl.nu/vc7e
  Replies (24) Good night (4801) Bad night (1989)
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  (516): View more from New York

  we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

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  (516): we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan http://tfl.nu/uipi
  Replies (16) Good night (5337) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

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  (504): I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of. http://tfl.nu/c6bd
  Replies (21) Good night (9209) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

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  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (1887) Bad night (7378) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

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  (502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s
  Replies (18) Good night (6366) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle

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  (703): you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle http://tfl.nu/qvl1
  Replies (16) Good night (1018) Bad night (3704) Order T-Shirt
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  (+81): View more from

  Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me

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  (+81): Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me http://tfl.nu/yr11
  Replies (28) Good night (4256) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

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  (864): so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence. http://tfl.nu/nvim
  Replies (20) Good night (7389) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

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  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
  Replies (17) Good night (8809) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

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  (270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq
  Replies (12) Good night (926) Bad night (4691)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (8777) Bad night (3733) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

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  (714): Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare. http://tfl.nu/ceys
  Replies (19) Good night (997) Bad night (5811) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

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  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (8571) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?

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  (516): You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you? http://tfl.nu/3dbu
  Replies (8) Good night (4424) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed

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  (541): dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed http://tfl.nu/93gi
  Replies (45) Good night (1995) Bad night (10721) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her

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  (706): I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee (704): Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her http://tfl.nu/95cd
  Replies (23) Good night (4213) Bad night (498)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Every day of my life.

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  (513): Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer? (1-513): Every day of my life. http://tfl.nu/2brt
  Replies (12) Good night (4304) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

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  (843): Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17. http://tfl.nu/5ely
  Replies (79) Good night (13697) Bad night (678)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.

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  (610): i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window. http://tfl.nu/q9w7
  Replies (24) Good night (4724) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

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  (314): You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you. http://tfl.nu/ejbb
  Replies (9) Good night (7430) Bad night (635)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

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  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (30) Good night (3913) Bad night (4794) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?

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  (610): who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch? http://tfl.nu/432a
  Replies (38) Good night (3668) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

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  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28202) Bad night (859)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

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  (443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5
  Replies (11) Good night (3960) Bad night (327)
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  (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

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  (916): I hate ducks. (916): What? (916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck. http://tfl.nu/gesm
  Replies (55) Good night (3050) Bad night (429)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore

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  (732): I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore http://tfl.nu/xlhh
  Replies (65) Good night (1971) Bad night (4824) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

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  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (74) Good night (11381) Bad night (3083) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (285) Good night (60328) Bad night (3668)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'

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  (248): my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you' http://tfl.nu/ael6
  Replies (25) Good night (2409) Bad night (5292) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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  (425): I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me. http://tfl.nu/cm8t
  Replies (19) Good night (3480) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.

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  (972): The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup. http://tfl.nu/267r
  Replies (25) Good night (5016) Bad night (1089)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

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  (847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91
  Replies (37) Good night (1745) Bad night (7583)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.

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  (704): so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER. http://tfl.nu/dexf
  Replies (42) Good night (1021) Bad night (4889) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom

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  (423): If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom http://tfl.nu/66s8
  Replies (32) Good night (1392) Bad night (4520) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

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  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8223) Bad night (612)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.

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  (956): You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head. http://tfl.nu/2njk
  Replies (22) Good night (5363) Bad night (723)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it

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  (603): Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it http://tfl.nu/mjt1
  Replies (17) Good night (6722) Bad night (773)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.

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  (814): I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up. http://tfl.nu/mktj
  Replies (19) Good night (5697) Bad night (1965) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.

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  (608): I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday. http://tfl.nu/an09
  Replies (33) Good night (2108) Bad night (10493)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later

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  (706): Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later http://tfl.nu/a02r
  Replies (26) Good night (7294) Bad night (1715) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

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  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (10639) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls

  (415): View more from California

  Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?

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  (310): I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls (415): Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr? http://tfl.nu/tx8e
  Replies (7) Good night (1269) Bad night (247)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

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  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26359) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.

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  (815): grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese. http://tfl.nu/k9i9
  Replies (21) Good night (4056) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

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  (951): Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor. http://tfl.nu/e2p4
  Replies (13) Good night (8284) Bad night (705)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40087) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

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  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36403) Bad night (1392)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12

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  (513): you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12 http://tfl.nu/a1h6
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

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  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville

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  (647): Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville http://tfl.nu/omyo
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

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  (517): I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen. http://tfl.nu/y9v8
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.

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  (610): she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot. http://tfl.nu/93sx
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

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  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic

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  (952): I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/w8wo
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  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

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  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

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  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
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