Texts From Last Night

storm300's Favorites Texts:

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool

  (210): View more from Texas

  No

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  (512): Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool (210): No http://tfl.nu/m5ry
  Replies (3) Good night (876) Bad night (107)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.

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  (971): I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it. (971): Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated. http://tfl.nu/1c8f
  Replies (7) Good night (4247) Bad night (345)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.

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  (404): I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now. http://tfl.nu/90oh
  Replies (11) Good night (2695) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

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  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (2980) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.

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  (314): Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/ibp9
  Replies (16) Good night (2423) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.

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  (907): Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid. http://tfl.nu/45so
  Replies (10) Good night (2092) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.

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  (740): Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves. http://tfl.nu/uw3n
  Replies (10) Good night (1191) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?

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  (804): No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail? http://tfl.nu/kg64
  Replies (5) Good night (992) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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  (845): You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this. http://tfl.nu/x8z4
  Replies (15) Good night (2650) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.

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  (360): I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard. http://tfl.nu/3vju
  Replies (2) Good night (883) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You dont lie about slip and slides

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  (502): You dont lie about slip and slides http://tfl.nu/1239
  Replies (8) Good night (1342) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  and u failed math?

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  (651): 2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people (763): and u failed math? http://tfl.nu/331s
  Replies (20) Good night (2350) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  ??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.

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  (306): ??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas. http://tfl.nu/j6o2
  Replies (7) Good night (2542) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.

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  (229): I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight. http://tfl.nu/cauv
  Replies (12) Good night (887) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.

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  (303): The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble. http://tfl.nu/kaq2
  Replies (6) Good night (767) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I feel a five day drunk coming on.

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  (217): I feel a five day drunk coming on. http://tfl.nu/u0qx
  Replies (4) Good night (860) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?

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  (513): One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that? http://tfl.nu/b48m
  Replies (4) Good night (1023) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!

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  (512): Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?! http://tfl.nu/k4mm
  Replies (17) Good night (473) Bad night (3059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  This is true but you can't really get fired from college

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  (618): College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one. (1-618): This is true but you can't really get fired from college http://tfl.nu/z0cp
  Replies (3) Good night (1014) Bad night (209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  What's the address?

  (626): View more from California

  Too drunk. Just google it.

  (310): View more from California

  IT'S YOUR HOUSE

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  (310): What's the address? (626): Too drunk. Just google it. (310): IT'S YOUR HOUSE http://tfl.nu/ymw0
  Replies (5) Good night (2572) Bad night (247)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.

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  (902): Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst. http://tfl.nu/a5qa
  Replies (3) Good night (1716) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.

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  (757): Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life. http://tfl.nu/3f3y
  Replies (12) Good night (960) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil

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  (757): I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil http://tfl.nu/9nrx
  Replies (7) Good night (617) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.

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  (248): It's fine...I've done worse things to better people. http://tfl.nu/e0kr
  Replies (3) Good night (1310) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously

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  (617): A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously http://tfl.nu/7jfj
  Replies (4) Good night (2254) Bad night (285)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  they paper machayed me.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.

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  (484): they paper machayed me. (215): i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers. http://tfl.nu/kseh
  Replies (5) Good night (2926) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

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  (281): WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?! http://tfl.nu/4ghk
  Replies (20) Good night (2580) Bad night (4319) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

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  (814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj
  Replies (19) Good night (5726) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Are we still banned from the library?

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  (313): Are we still banned from the library? http://tfl.nu/xtiu
  Replies (12) Good night (2115) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.

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  (406): At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/1ggh
  Replies (3) Good night (1378) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

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  (602): You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink http://tfl.nu/maij
  Replies (7) Good night (1663) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.

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  (805): I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it. http://tfl.nu/eeuf
  Replies (4) Good night (543) Bad night (1078)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.

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  (303): I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college. http://tfl.nu/snfw
  Replies (3) Good night (3462) Bad night (343)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.

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  (504): Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind. http://tfl.nu/yydb
  Replies (23) Good night (4690) Bad night (1578) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early

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  (914): hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early http://tfl.nu/k8sh
  Replies (9) Good night (2627) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project

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  (818): I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project http://tfl.nu/g4w5
  Replies (6) Good night (2326) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.

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  (610): I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed. http://tfl.nu/xw1f
  Replies (6) Good night (2649) Bad night (571)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words

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  (810): Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words http://tfl.nu/8a38
  Replies (8) Good night (3092) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

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  (239): so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are. http://tfl.nu/bpgx
  Replies (15) Good night (3032) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

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  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59254) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76746) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  :)

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Wipe that smile off your face.

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  (410): :) (443): Wipe that smile off your face. http://tfl.nu/iqow
  Replies (27) Good night (5776) Bad night (490)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

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  (705): All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail. http://tfl.nu/tpxz
  Replies (24) Good night (9606) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.

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  (626): We stole a cat. That is all you need to know. http://tfl.nu/xol0
  Replies (14) Good night (3080) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  I saved lives by not driving this morning

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  (904): way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy... (1-904): I saved lives by not driving this morning http://tfl.nu/no2s
  Replies (9) Good night (7586) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

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  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (25371) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

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  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (54) Good night (15092) Bad night (956)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.

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  (215): We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay. http://tfl.nu/xg35
  Replies (14) Good night (2860) Bad night (1362) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap

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  (425): Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap http://tfl.nu/z2b9
  Replies (18) Good night (5100) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!

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  (775): What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS? (1-775): A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass! http://tfl.nu/lvgp
  Replies (16) Good night (1332) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

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  (504): I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/2zjv
  Replies (37) Good night (7646) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

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  (763): I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it. http://tfl.nu/zncn
  Replies (32) Good night (6456) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.

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  (850): my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster. http://tfl.nu/974x
  Replies (14) Good night (7396) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.

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  (307): Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR. http://tfl.nu/n9la
  Replies (25) Good night (4409) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

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  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (6953) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

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  (516): we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan http://tfl.nu/uipi
  Replies (16) Good night (5337) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24103) Bad night (1022)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

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  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3395) Bad night (5213) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

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  (714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg
  Replies (26) Good night (7769) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

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  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11431) Bad night (1401)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

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  (602): I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy http://tfl.nu/rk38
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.

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  (203): Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ir0f
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys

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  (703): look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys http://tfl.nu/ae48
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  (817): View more from Texas

  The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

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  (817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen. http://tfl.nu/gj69
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo

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  (704): Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo http://tfl.nu/ot2w
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

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  (770): Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives??? http://tfl.nu/8m9c
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life

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  (405): so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life http://tfl.nu/i5i3
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...

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  (812): Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people... http://tfl.nu/4gx3
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  (210): View more from Texas

  By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE

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  (210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE http://tfl.nu/98pz
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...

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  (386): Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland... http://tfl.nu/taw4
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'

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  (847): just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame' http://tfl.nu/un7j
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  (315): View more from New York

  My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.

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  (315): My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best. http://tfl.nu/ofn0
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
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