she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
