Texts From Last Night · saltimbanca's Favorites

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saltimbanca's Favorites Texts:

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(816): View more from Missouri

If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

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(810): View more from Michigan

According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

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(310): View more from California

i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

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(864): View more from South Carolina

So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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(850): View more from Florida

I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today

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(720): View more from Colorado

When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy

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(713): View more from Texas

I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

(512): View more from Texas

babe, don't say it like that!

(713): View more from Texas

I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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