Texts From Last Night

jamall's Favorites Texts:

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5118) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

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  (214): I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina. http://tfl.nu/q4iw
  Replies (56) Good night (3564) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"

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  (734): What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?" http://tfl.nu/tcpf
  Replies (26) Good night (3180) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle

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  (530): regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle http://tfl.nu/1njn
  Replies (10) Good night (3338) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

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  (806): with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible. http://tfl.nu/qot7
  Replies (31) Good night (10044) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.

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  (805): before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was. http://tfl.nu/5vrd
  Replies (41) Good night (4902) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Taylor Swift is so right about you.

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  (773): Taylor Swift is so right about you. http://tfl.nu/etcx
  Replies (9) Good night (695) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...

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  (303): so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob... http://tfl.nu/tixa
  Replies (34) Good night (5125) Bad night (2005) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?

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  (850): Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up? http://tfl.nu/shrn
  Replies (71) Good night (520) Bad night (3679) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  are you so shy because you have an std?

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  (403): are you so shy because you have an std? http://tfl.nu/9nrw
  Replies (8) Good night (454) Bad night (3151) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.

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  (314): You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning. http://tfl.nu/x67v
  Replies (42) Good night (726) Bad night (8090) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"

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  (314): just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?" http://tfl.nu/ava3
  Replies (52) Good night (4780) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you

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  (205): Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you http://tfl.nu/nk9c
  Replies (16) Good night (820) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.

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  (914): We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor. http://tfl.nu/1mpx
  Replies (26) Good night (5889) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

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  (405): Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/6x5x
  Replies (15) Good night (1267) Bad night (6743) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  handjob tips. give me some.

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  (314): handjob tips. give me some. http://tfl.nu/678j
  Replies (76) Good night (4183) Bad night (1472) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

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  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
  Replies (79) Good night (2382) Bad night (7985)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

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  (513): He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him http://tfl.nu/bwdr
  Replies (21) Good night (6512) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina

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  (856): i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina http://tfl.nu/7m3b
  Replies (22) Good night (800) Bad night (5047) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him

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  (785): Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him http://tfl.nu/x0sm
  Replies (31) Good night (1420) Bad night (6254) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place

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  (408): if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place http://tfl.nu/15wd
  Replies (33) Good night (5887) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

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  (970): If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time. http://tfl.nu/fjy0
  Replies (18) Good night (4369) Bad night (1872) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

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  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
  Replies (35) Good night (12256) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.

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  (925): She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again. http://tfl.nu/nmj5
  Replies (12) Good night (1135) Bad night (4651) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

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  (207): Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy http://tfl.nu/f2lx
  Replies (40) Good night (4613) Bad night (1917) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country

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  (651): I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country http://tfl.nu/ju5o
  Replies (9) Good night (5180) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (03): View more from

  you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

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  (03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e
  Replies (18) Good night (6843) Bad night (906)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to

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  (506): I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to http://tfl.nu/sk6c
  Replies (25) Good night (5383) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award

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  (336): i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award http://tfl.nu/t3kf
  Replies (17) Good night (5851) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

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  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (10021) Bad night (1651) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.

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  (508): I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long. http://tfl.nu/opva
  Replies (15) Good night (1352) Bad night (2760) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.

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  (703): you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him. http://tfl.nu/eh64
  Replies (26) Good night (4984) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.

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  (914): We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial. http://tfl.nu/6p87
  Replies (49) Good night (6334) Bad night (2719) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8384) Bad night (1500)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (58) Good night (14608) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (87) Good night (14308) Bad night (2668) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

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  (301): It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have. http://tfl.nu/pc4d
  Replies (30) Good night (2780) Bad night (7451) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

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  (845): Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents. http://tfl.nu/6leg
  Replies (33) Good night (10665) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

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  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (4819) Bad night (2704) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.

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  (601): I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished. http://tfl.nu/ezge
  Replies (33) Good night (5348) Bad night (2224) Order T-Shirt
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  (+54): View more from

  My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

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  (+54): My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed http://tfl.nu/m32v
  Replies (30) Good night (8171) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.

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  (713): I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan. http://tfl.nu/gm7k
  Replies (11) Good night (1480) Bad night (4446) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

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  (732): i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends http://tfl.nu/aaz6
  Replies (40) Good night (2125) Bad night (5945) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

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  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9563) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

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  (256): Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs. http://tfl.nu/y8sy
  Replies (23) Good night (2177) Bad night (4434) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

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  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4506) Bad night (2018) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"

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  (519): My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things" (1-519): I didn't realize you were one of the "good people" http://tfl.nu/039y
  Replies (16) Good night (4312) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4

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  (434): She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4 http://tfl.nu/9o7z
  Replies (45) Good night (2008) Bad night (6670) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

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  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (8140) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

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  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (155) Good night (7975) Bad night (8282) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.

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  (205): Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that. http://tfl.nu/r5hc
  Replies (33) Good night (3764) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she has no idea

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  (973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b
  Replies (25) Good night (5060) Bad night (936)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

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  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (6774) Bad night (5335) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her

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  (540): It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her http://tfl.nu/aiow
  Replies (36) Good night (1516) Bad night (4132)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

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  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (43) Good night (11687) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.

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  (716): I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas. http://tfl.nu/cqgv
  Replies (23) Good night (4469) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

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  (361): Did i throw a brick at someone last night? http://tfl.nu/tk7m
  Replies (15) Good night (5611) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

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  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (32) Good night (16981) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

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  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7427) Bad night (1641) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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  (303): This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now. http://tfl.nu/jc3w
  Replies (25) Good night (1251) Bad night (4895)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

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  (303): It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic. http://tfl.nu/yvsq
  Replies (28) Good night (2209) Bad night (4547) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

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  (+44): Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x http://tfl.nu/rt6u
  Replies (10) Good night (7780) Bad night (1046)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.

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  (918): He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/2bxp
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

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  (248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky http://tfl.nu/6tb5
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.

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  (440): just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me. http://tfl.nu/8ykb
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  (650): View more from California

  barbara walters just said penis...

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  (650): barbara walters just said penis... http://tfl.nu/ninz
  Replies (10) Good night (2613) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt