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  • If vodka was water and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and never come up! But vodka's not water, and I'm not a duck, so hand me that bottle and shut the fuck up~

    Submitted by kyui14 on Oct 18, 10 at 1:06am
  • Not sure, what's the saying about stealing from Patton Oswalt's twitter feed from 10/8?\n\nhttp://twitter.com/pattonoswalt

    Submitted by Verchiel on Oct 17, 10 at 2:34pm
  • Vicodin before scotch, urine on crotch, scotch before vicodin, dick in a pumpkin

    Submitted by pfistergood on Oct 17, 10 at 2:35pm
  • Who the fuck is Patton Oswalt? Maybe the person was legit asking the question...as in, they'd heard of it from this nobody the same way you did and actually couldn't remember how it went. Ever think of that? Jackasses, all of you.

    Submitted by its118AM on Oct 17, 10 at 8:15pm
  • vicodin, really? try some OC.

    Submitted by erk123 on Oct 17, 10 at 11:31pm
  • Vicodin before scotch, I steal lines from patton oswalt, cause I'm a shitty person who has no creativity. I'm sure that's how it goes.

    Submitted by R2DeepThroat on Oct 17, 10 at 6:39pm
  • Vicodin before scotch, urine on crotch, scotch before vicodin, dick in a pumpkin

    Submitted by pfistergood on Oct 17, 10 at 2:36pm
  • Vicodin before scotch. Enjoy the hospitals watch

    Submitted by belansky907 on Oct 17, 10 at 10:41pm
  • Makes one tastey crotch

    Submitted by Intimidator1 on Oct 17, 10 at 2:29pm
  • Jam it in when she's on top

    Submitted by sledhead753 on Oct 18, 10 at 12:00am
  • Vicodin before Scotch,\nYou're out like a rock.

    Submitted by kitty777 on Oct 17, 10 at 2:58pm
  • Why are you binge drinking scotch? Don't you have some cheap UV that still needs to be finished?

    Submitted by kgnightiloveu on Oct 18, 10 at 11:47am
  • Can't use your crotch

    Submitted by Anonymous on Oct 17, 10 at 2:25pm
  • ...it comes out your crotch.

    Submitted by MsNissa on Oct 17, 10 at 4:11pm
  • puke you will not!!!!

    Submitted by LizzieD on Oct 18, 10 at 9:36am
  • Kyui14 I'm putting that on a shirt!

    Submitted by jb12125 on Oct 18, 10 at 10:05pm
  • Vicodin before scotch or its like a kick in the crotch.

    Submitted by DustinMcPotHead on Oct 18, 10 at 1:05am
  • Will tear your dick apart

    Submitted by bpack on Oct 17, 10 at 10:42pm
  • Vicodin before scotch, tonights gonna rock, scotch before Vicodin we're gonna fight again.

    Submitted by james217 on Oct 18, 10 at 11:14am
  • my life will I botch.

    Submitted by FrieGuy58 on Oct 17, 10 at 8:09pm
  • i want to taste your crotch

    Submitted by Jeremiah7272 on Oct 17, 10 at 2:43pm
  • http://tinyurl.com/2ezaqgj. It was Patton Oswalt. Too bad Michigan lacks creativity enough to think of their own texts...

    Submitted by hertoxiclove on Oct 17, 10 at 3:57pm
  • To hell with Vicodin... Roxycodone 30 mgs is what's up

    Submitted by Poop_Poop on Oct 18, 10 at 12:23am
  • And there's cum on your crotch...

    Submitted by turbo101 on Oct 18, 10 at 4:07pm
  • kyui14- you are my hero

    Submitted by lastnight130 on Dec 31, 10 at 9:44am
  • Kyui14: I had never heard that...love it!!!!!

    Submitted by kleigh426 on Oct 25, 10 at 4:45am