Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Even my vagina gasped.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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