it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
