Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love