Texts From Last Night

Y0URSELF's Favorites Texts:

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  (716): View more from New York

  nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.

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  (716): nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart. http://tfl.nu/xzee
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (108) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.

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  (801): Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom. http://tfl.nu/symd
  Replies (5) Good night (536) Bad night (160) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money

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  (716): So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed. (1-716): Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money http://tfl.nu/8jhe
  Replies (8) Good night (2603) Bad night (288)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.

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  (608): I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot. http://tfl.nu/aflc
  Replies (4) Good night (652) Bad night (208) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool

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  (404): That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool http://tfl.nu/ivmu
  Replies (6) Good night (350) Bad night (879)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  possibly by boat

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  (610): he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him (610): possibly by boat http://tfl.nu/q00b
  Replies (3) Good night (923) Bad night (313)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.

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  (250): we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time. http://tfl.nu/w6xu
  Replies (7) Good night (1339) Bad night (404)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?

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  (801): Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way? http://tfl.nu/h6qu
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care

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  (817): I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care http://tfl.nu/4w1d
  Replies (4) Good night (1743) Bad night (235) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.

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  (720): We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins. http://tfl.nu/ctwf
  Replies (6) Good night (1509) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room

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  (661): Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room http://tfl.nu/4z49
  Replies (9) Good night (2048) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.

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  (256): I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self. http://tfl.nu/pw1v
  Replies (5) Good night (4512) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~

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  (724): GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~ http://tfl.nu/ka83
  Replies (6) Good night (1605) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.

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  (765): So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor. http://tfl.nu/2e0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1278) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  What does puking wasabi feel like?

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  Like snorting cocaine backwards.

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  (602): What does puking wasabi feel like? (1-602): Like snorting cocaine backwards. http://tfl.nu/l21m
  Replies (4) Good night (415) Bad night (1268) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time

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  (631): The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time http://tfl.nu/yanl
  Replies (3) Good night (1179) Bad night (502)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock

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  (571): So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock http://tfl.nu/1xfu
  Replies (3) Good night (1242) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.

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  (717): We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes. http://tfl.nu/zq4p
  Replies (5) Good night (1759) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while

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  (732): i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while http://tfl.nu/tvzl
  Replies (4) Good night (1067) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.

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  (207): I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone. http://tfl.nu/cis8
  Replies (3) Good night (1132) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just feel like you're using me for sex.

  (383): View more from

  I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship

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  (401): I just feel like you're using me for sex. (383): I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship http://tfl.nu/typ8
  Replies (16) Good night (2030) Bad night (968)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.

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  (402): Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/ippi
  Replies (5) Good night (1497) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...

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  (314): He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on. (636): Sounds like he's doing this for your own good... http://tfl.nu/dn1j
  Replies (3) Good night (1414) Bad night (331)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least

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  (541): Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least http://tfl.nu/6jj4
  Replies (5) Good night (1015) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.

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  (917): Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people. http://tfl.nu/tw6k
  Replies (3) Good night (1283) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  you texted me "dude im face"

  (301): View more from Maryland

  it sounded so right at the time

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  (410): you texted me "dude im face" (301): it sounded so right at the time http://tfl.nu/8042
  Replies (7) Good night (1384) Bad night (411)
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  (707): View more from California

  Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.

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  (707): Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish. http://tfl.nu/itg6
  Replies (2) Good night (1465) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things

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  (734): I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things http://tfl.nu/lt0n
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.

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  (412): Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab. http://tfl.nu/yqci
  Replies (5) Good night (1152) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.

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  (+44): He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window. http://tfl.nu/rmmm
  Replies (4) Good night (1028) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.

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  (978): You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone. http://tfl.nu/5mak
  Replies (23) Good night (1765) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.

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  (914): We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome. http://tfl.nu/vs6k
  Replies (9) Good night (786) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.

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  (805): you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out. http://tfl.nu/ndw1
  Replies (50) Good night (1433) Bad night (18290)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (98) Good night (2320) Bad night (23669)
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  (518): View more from New York

  my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...

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  (518): my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her... http://tfl.nu/xju0
  Replies (79) Good night (2030) Bad night (28255) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3271) Bad night (39391) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

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  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6800) Bad night (40796)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

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  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7276) Bad night (55228)
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  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

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  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (128) Good night (7633) Bad night (60842) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.

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  (617): pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle. http://tfl.nu/r2o0
  Replies (3) Good night (2961) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.

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  (317): You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow. http://tfl.nu/p8o5
  Replies (7) Good night (1464) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.

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  (484): He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER. http://tfl.nu/q9ww
  Replies (12) Good night (1309) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

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  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36466) Bad night (4990)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40131) Bad night (1530)
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  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

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  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (74) Good night (40191) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

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  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (49044) Bad night (2041) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

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  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (63) Good night (56984) Bad night (1219)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56841) Bad night (4687)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.

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  (231): I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it. http://tfl.nu/oche
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  (075): View more from

  thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.

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  (075): thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs. http://tfl.nu/pfb6
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

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  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65449) Bad night (3903) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112214) Bad night (9727) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.

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  (209): I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins. http://tfl.nu/devk
  Replies (11) Good night (2034) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt