the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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