Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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