Texts From Last Night

syn_'s Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day. http://tfl.nu/8ipd
  Replies (4) Good night (2977) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Did you reintroduce yourself?

  (407): View more from Florida

  He threatened to call the cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house. (301): Did you reintroduce yourself? (407): He threatened to call the cops. http://tfl.nu/0bcc
  Replies (7) Good night (635) Bad night (1884)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy? http://tfl.nu/swws
  Replies (17) Good night (5226) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight. http://tfl.nu/r24v
  Replies (16) Good night (2003) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time. http://tfl.nu/qns1
  Replies (4) Good night (2739) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13. http://tfl.nu/mb7j
  Replies (13) Good night (8188) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention' http://tfl.nu/1dne
  Replies (3) Good night (1161) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on http://tfl.nu/ntvw
  Replies (8) Good night (5537) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on. http://tfl.nu/4qlm
  Replies (10) Good night (4457) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (1811) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober http://tfl.nu/fk8a
  Replies (4) Good night (3723) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I want your puppy

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I meant pussy

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I would rather you take my puppy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I want your puppy (507): I meant pussy (612): I would rather you take my puppy http://tfl.nu/alg5
  Replies (34) Good night (1210) Bad night (5023)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me. http://tfl.nu/kxxf
  Replies (26) Good night (6468) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting. http://tfl.nu/gm65
  Replies (7) Good night (2566) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them. http://tfl.nu/3t7j
  Replies (3) Good night (2082) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/ljav
  Replies (5) Good night (2341) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar? (1-702): You told us you forgot how, and started to cry. http://tfl.nu/t675
  Replies (54) Good night (1917) Bad night (7448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we're chasing vodka with high fives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s
  Replies (38) Good night (17161) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (16227) Bad night (1864)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'. http://tfl.nu/wlcp
  Replies (21) Good night (1310) Bad night (2522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer. (978): college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you. http://tfl.nu/udtk
  Replies (45) Good night (4428) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work http://tfl.nu/qwhd
  Replies (3) Good night (2138) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious http://tfl.nu/ejqb
  Replies (15) Good night (3724) Bad night (1423)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo
  Replies (12) Good night (6913) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER http://tfl.nu/alba
  Replies (5) Good night (3379) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone http://tfl.nu/czmq
  Replies (8) Good night (3972) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr
  Replies (29) Good night (949) Bad night (2876)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see. http://tfl.nu/6p31
  Replies (4) Good night (2938) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk
  Replies (13) Good night (4566) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts
  Replies (7) Good night (3970) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?' http://tfl.nu/rnao
  Replies (12) Good night (3752) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp' http://tfl.nu/0a7v
  Replies (8) Good night (1130) Bad night (3694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27934) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success. http://tfl.nu/y8ni
  Replies (15) Good night (5079) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4615) Bad night (2623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (42) Good night (10760) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine http://tfl.nu/d0ou
  Replies (23) Good night (2799) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk
  Replies (28) Good night (20973) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (48) Good night (9314) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously http://tfl.nu/mrdz
  Replies (13) Good night (4276) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x
  Replies (36) Good night (4269) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (14049) Bad night (1148)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (9206) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster http://tfl.nu/810i
  Replies (9) Good night (2581) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (14009) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (33) Good night (14240) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. http://tfl.nu/5wwv
  Replies (46) Good night (6825) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere. http://tfl.nu/fb8z
  Replies (6) Good night (2196) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples." http://tfl.nu/rub1
  Replies (8) Good night (4459) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38370) Bad night (1750)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons. http://tfl.nu/6biv
  Replies (3) Good night (1800) Bad night (2705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/9omq
  Replies (12) Good night (6629) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing." http://tfl.nu/cqut
  Replies (16) Good night (6052) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (8292) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants http://tfl.nu/4wl5
  Replies (40) Good night (4433) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried http://tfl.nu/gu6n
  Replies (131) Good night (6025) Bad night (7214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that. http://tfl.nu/jsxj
  Replies (10) Good night (5517) Bad night (1434)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7803) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets. http://tfl.nu/5i0f
  Replies (7) Good night (5983) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn. http://tfl.nu/zs8h
  Replies (2) Good night (4702) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets." http://tfl.nu/13ll
  Replies (17) Good night (7448) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible... http://tfl.nu/v1vf
  Replies (33) Good night (6902) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out" http://tfl.nu/bp43
  Replies (30) Good night (9140) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51307) Bad night (2618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT http://tfl.nu/f0p2
  Replies (20) Good night (5127) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  that probably didn't help your case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing. (1-810): that probably didn't help your case. http://tfl.nu/4tll
  Replies (14) Good night (1447) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt