you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
