Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
