Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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