Texts From Last Night

masa_13's Favorites Texts:

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  (925): View more from California

  I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability

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  (925): I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability http://tfl.nu/3svt
  Replies (1) Good night (173) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sure lol what's that?

  (323): View more from California

  Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why?

  (323): View more from California

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  (323): Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays? (978): Sure lol what's that? (323): Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine. (978): Why? (323): Because I'm gonna open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder, over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride. http://tfl.nu/1bfv
  Replies (3) Good night (518) Bad night (118)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up

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  (785): i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up http://tfl.nu/9i7j
  Replies (5) Good night (529) Bad night (69) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!

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  (309): WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/237p
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (74) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1

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  (727): It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1 http://tfl.nu/uvim
  Replies (5) Good night (403) Bad night (121) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  1. Thanks. 2. No.

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  (704): She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister. (1-704): 1. Thanks. 2. No. http://tfl.nu/698u
  Replies (6) Good night (306) Bad night (738)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.

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  (919): Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties. http://tfl.nu/7t6a
  Replies (9) Good night (1366) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield

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  (707): They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield http://tfl.nu/3a5d
  Replies (7) Good night (1352) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.

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  (856): After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/n5bk
  Replies (3) Good night (302) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens

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  (512): Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens http://tfl.nu/y87y
  Replies (5) Good night (494) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell

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  (215): There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell http://tfl.nu/i2t1
  Replies (10) Good night (1504) Bad night (291)
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  (431): View more from

  Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.

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  (431): Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches. http://tfl.nu/58c6
  Replies (5) Good night (1547) Bad night (163)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.

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  (978): We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment. http://tfl.nu/8gpy
  Replies (8) Good night (1962) Bad night (265)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.

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  (610): Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions. http://tfl.nu/3hq7
  Replies (6) Good night (1669) Bad night (884)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?

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  (832): I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested? http://tfl.nu/a21v
  Replies (7) Good night (1904) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER

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  (707): I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER http://tfl.nu/38g6
  Replies (28) Good night (765) Bad night (3530) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE

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  (831): Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE http://tfl.nu/2zmk
  Replies (3) Good night (250) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.

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  (571): In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades. http://tfl.nu/v1fc
  Replies (18) Good night (1022) Bad night (314)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days

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  (604): Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days (1-604): Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days http://tfl.nu/vv75
  Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts

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  (847): You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts http://tfl.nu/dzv1
  Replies (5) Good night (317) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.

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  (412): So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T. http://tfl.nu/y888
  Replies (4) Good night (1313) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.

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  (586): My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween. http://tfl.nu/l0yk
  Replies (2) Good night (825) Bad night (243)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!

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  (410): Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey. (410): By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey! http://tfl.nu/tmhf
  Replies (15) Good night (2250) Bad night (638)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.

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  (613): I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that. http://tfl.nu/ketf
  Replies (10) Good night (2244) Bad night (251)
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  (213): View more from California

  Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  ... and if i was..

  (213): View more from California

  Fuck. You.

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  (213): Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten. (201): ... and if i was.. (213): Fuck. You. http://tfl.nu/ty6i
  Replies (5) Good night (1536) Bad night (307)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not even 9:30 yet..

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  (215): Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk. (1-215): It's not even 9:30 yet.. http://tfl.nu/cpxo
  Replies (6) Good night (715) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.

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  (614): telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though. http://tfl.nu/tou6
  Replies (10) Good night (1587) Bad night (346)
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  (916): View more from California

  Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.

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  (916): Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER. (1-916): Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt. http://tfl.nu/8glr
  Replies (4) Good night (1546) Bad night (343)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.

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  (262): You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM. http://tfl.nu/legz
  Replies (3) Good night (1273) Bad night (227)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.

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  (816): I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week. (1-816): I think we all know your liver needs a man's name. http://tfl.nu/bufv
  Replies (7) Good night (876) Bad night (209)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby

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  (623): I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby http://tfl.nu/cxps
  Replies (6) Good night (820) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.

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  (404): Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up. http://tfl.nu/ge7g
  Replies (4) Good night (321) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...

  (226): View more from Ontario

  did I at least say anything...

  (519): View more from Ontario

  you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living

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  (519): we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom... (226): did I at least say anything... (519): you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living http://tfl.nu/vjjh
  Replies (6) Good night (1832) Bad night (269)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!

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  (618): Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT! http://tfl.nu/daki
  Replies (4) Good night (1538) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.

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  (218): There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon. http://tfl.nu/foxi
  Replies (5) Good night (1391) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix

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  (619): I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix http://tfl.nu/k82p
  Replies (8) Good night (370) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.

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  (206): Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/gln0
  Replies (3) Good night (1247) Bad night (298)
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  (344): View more from

  So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  They're waiting for you to die

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  (344): So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof (774): They're waiting for you to die http://tfl.nu/5pk9
  Replies (6) Good night (1868) Bad night (311)
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  (516): View more from New York

  People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.

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  (516): People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall. http://tfl.nu/80cl
  Replies (7) Good night (1824) Bad night (378)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.

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  (516): Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uizc
  Replies (16) Good night (2722) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front

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  (770): It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front http://tfl.nu/bbjx
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.

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  (631): He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims. http://tfl.nu/mqeu
  Replies (16) Good night (2260) Bad night (583)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.

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  (816): We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri. http://tfl.nu/7urx
  Replies (5) Good night (792) Bad night (242)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.

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  (505): The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it. http://tfl.nu/p90f
  Replies (3) Good night (964) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.

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  (815): YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS. http://tfl.nu/33fz
  Replies (9) Good night (893) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.

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  (650): I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night. http://tfl.nu/uq34
  Replies (3) Good night (738) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick

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  (402): I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick http://tfl.nu/ipiq
  Replies (3) Good night (293) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE

  (1-914): View more from New York

  YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.

  (845): View more from New York

  I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER

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  (845): YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE (1-914): YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING. (845): I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER http://tfl.nu/t573
  Replies (7) Good night (1849) Bad night (256)
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  (714): View more from California

  Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick

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  (714): Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick http://tfl.nu/zf2b
  Replies (3) Good night (2148) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room

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  (513): Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room http://tfl.nu/wjdc
  Replies (4) Good night (1021) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.

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  (757): Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week. (1-757): It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell. http://tfl.nu/5ztt
  Replies (6) Good night (2567) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.

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  (563): Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break. http://tfl.nu/2dfj
  Replies (0) Good night (786) Bad night (248) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

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  (814): Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry. http://tfl.nu/q7zn
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  How festive

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  (778): 4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee (604): How festive http://tfl.nu/8kx6
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover

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  (231): Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover http://tfl.nu/r5rk
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers

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  (+61): Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers http://tfl.nu/a2tk
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b

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  (803): He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b http://tfl.nu/qxl5
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.

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  (+44): Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman. http://tfl.nu/smcd
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots

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  (610): We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots http://tfl.nu/1mi3
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.

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  (330): The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though. http://tfl.nu/97ky
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  (631): View more from New York

  these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.

  (631): View more from New York

  i got hit in the ear.

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  (631): these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby. (631): i got hit in the ear. http://tfl.nu/qr8z
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.

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  (717): I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets. http://tfl.nu/qvke
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

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  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
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  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

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  (630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

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  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

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  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
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  (415): View more from California

  apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window

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  (415): apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window http://tfl.nu/1uz3
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?

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  (931): EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011? http://tfl.nu/cw71
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