I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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