Texts From Last Night

ArtistWithAGun's Favorites Texts:

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?

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  (804): Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos? http://tfl.nu/p64w
  Replies (39) Good night (1621) Bad night (6821) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

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  (302): I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that. http://tfl.nu/9h2q
  Replies (11) Good night (5192) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.

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  (440): Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved. http://tfl.nu/6524
  Replies (7) Good night (702) Bad night (5748) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

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  (203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti
  Replies (11) Good night (4446) Bad night (1443)
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  (562): View more from California

  If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

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  (562): If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/jdv3
  Replies (23) Good night (11259) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome

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  (402): I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome http://tfl.nu/kwzn
  Replies (13) Good night (5673) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

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  (513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj
  Replies (23) Good night (6648) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.

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  (617): I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples. http://tfl.nu/l51o
  Replies (10) Good night (814) Bad night (2792) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

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  (925): After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup. http://tfl.nu/n6kw
  Replies (17) Good night (4163) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.

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  (908): Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic. http://tfl.nu/hh2b
  Replies (32) Good night (3644) Bad night (4728) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

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  (404): hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away http://tfl.nu/s83j
  Replies (6) Good night (3557) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.

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  (336): This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard. http://tfl.nu/5chf
  Replies (36) Good night (5713) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.

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  (612): Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now. http://tfl.nu/y7cf
  Replies (35) Good night (3824) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo everyone went to the hospital last night

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  (401): yo everyone went to the hospital last night http://tfl.nu/d0a6
  Replies (22) Good night (1701) Bad night (4529) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.

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  (267): So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from. http://tfl.nu/6xgn
  Replies (14) Good night (3457) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for

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  (817): you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for http://tfl.nu/dk1d
  Replies (24) Good night (981) Bad night (3861) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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  (502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9
  Replies (10) Good night (4492) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.

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  (303): Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking. http://tfl.nu/3qfc
  Replies (22) Good night (6898) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

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  (270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first. http://tfl.nu/qnn2
  Replies (11) Good night (1018) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up

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  (972): He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/uv7z
  Replies (6) Good night (3122) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too

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  (210): I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too http://tfl.nu/8tiw
  Replies (10) Good night (7020) Bad night (556)
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  (650): View more from California

  so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.

  (1-650): View more from California

  did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?

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  (650): so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet. (1-650): did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one? http://tfl.nu/1hzw
  Replies (24) Good night (7750) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.

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  (404): hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma. http://tfl.nu/dkbg
  Replies (37) Good night (4019) Bad night (7016) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone

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  (631): You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone http://tfl.nu/0bcu
  Replies (4) Good night (4127) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  she was licking his armpits.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.

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  (317): she was licking his armpits. (317): asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story. http://tfl.nu/2ll0
  Replies (22) Good night (805) Bad night (4717)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag

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  (+44): according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag http://tfl.nu/idf5
  Replies (34) Good night (1328) Bad night (4917) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's like a mixture of two words

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"

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  (985): It's like a mixture of two words (985): "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now" http://tfl.nu/homf
  Replies (8) Good night (2853) Bad night (714)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

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  (716): It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it. http://tfl.nu/m8zx
  Replies (13) Good night (5019) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.

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  (705): It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed. http://tfl.nu/ac0o
  Replies (16) Good night (692) Bad night (5929) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds

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  (713): Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds http://tfl.nu/uf3z
  Replies (11) Good night (4503) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.

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  (205): I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/44vh
  Replies (14) Good night (4361) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat

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  (860): I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat http://tfl.nu/ctv0
  Replies (17) Good night (1021) Bad night (4659) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

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  (860): failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm. http://tfl.nu/gfgw
  Replies (13) Good night (4518) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

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  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (121) Good night (2757) Bad night (14579)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (53) Good night (2250) Bad night (14355) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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  (816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me http://tfl.nu/ze3z
  Replies (85) Good night (1099) Bad night (22438)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.

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  (859): I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me. http://tfl.nu/euxr
  Replies (66) Good night (977) Bad night (23272) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

  (703): View more from Virginia

  this can't be going anywhere good

  (571): View more from Virginia

  nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

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  (571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah.. (703): this can't be going anywhere good (571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\ http://tfl.nu/4i13
  Replies (194) Good night (1469) Bad night (25705)
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  (518): View more from New York

  my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...

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  (518): my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her... http://tfl.nu/xju0
  Replies (78) Good night (1712) Bad night (27416) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

  (510): View more from California

  YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  (303): I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it. (510): YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7kxq
  Replies (132) Good night (904) Bad night (28504)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161220) Bad night (40081) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2825) Bad night (37929) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7016) Bad night (46835)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

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  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70155)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

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  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (253) Good night (3186) Bad night (75920)
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  (914): View more from New York

  still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.

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  (914): still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay. http://tfl.nu/4bqn
  Replies (12) Good night (1387) Bad night (4225) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

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  (603): I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part. http://tfl.nu/7yrx
  Replies (8) Good night (4855) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.

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  (512): just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification. http://tfl.nu/d300
  Replies (12) Good night (5704) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yeah, but four times?

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  (702): Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it. (1-702): Yeah, but four times? http://tfl.nu/x8r7
  Replies (30) Good night (6470) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.

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  (678): Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him. http://tfl.nu/ayc4
  Replies (47) Good night (1211) Bad night (4081) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

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  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (9962) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..

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  (785): Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine.. http://tfl.nu/247z
  Replies (8) Good night (4413) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.

  (607): View more from New York

  Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.

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  (203): Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone. (607): Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/z2i9
  Replies (7) Good night (5480) Bad night (643)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.

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  (563): The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/t1x0
  Replies (10) Good night (4390) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend

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  (303): How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend http://tfl.nu/ip7i
  Replies (18) Good night (4264) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly

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  (619): there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly http://tfl.nu/smco
  Replies (6) Good night (649) Bad night (3399) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

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  (315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling. http://tfl.nu/qxsk
  Replies (13) Good night (5259) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.

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  (216): As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks. http://tfl.nu/d4mm
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  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

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  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
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