Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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