Texts From Last Night

irenekyriazakis's Favorites Texts:

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.

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  (847): He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited. http://tfl.nu/2tlf
  Replies (19) Good night (6318) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.

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  (603): Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight. http://tfl.nu/r24v
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco

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  (414): ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco http://tfl.nu/xqa3
  Replies (9) Good night (2886) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

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  (519): Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/wxg3
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  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (106) Good night (30057) Bad night (1029)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

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  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (6655) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Houston, we have a blender

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  (760): Houston, we have a blender http://tfl.nu/azdt
  Replies (4) Good night (1965) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"

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  (815): my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway" http://tfl.nu/9cdg
  Replies (36) Good night (3348) Bad night (661)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?

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  (913): Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying? http://tfl.nu/uitc
  Replies (7) Good night (593) Bad night (1414) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.

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  (315): some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad. http://tfl.nu/fabc
  Replies (7) Good night (1135) Bad night (1969) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.

  (1-707): View more from California

  is that even a sentence?

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  (707): I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina. (1-707): is that even a sentence? http://tfl.nu/j6fd
  Replies (13) Good night (2864) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"

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  (613): Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night" http://tfl.nu/ts7x
  Replies (13) Good night (2212) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6620) Bad night (1009)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta

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  (337): Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta http://tfl.nu/2wvh
  Replies (21) Good night (4219) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.

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  (256): I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was. http://tfl.nu/06et
  Replies (6) Good night (2658) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag

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  (480): The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag http://tfl.nu/fc0e
  Replies (134) Good night (1156) Bad night (4615)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!

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  (570): someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?! http://tfl.nu/6u5e
  Replies (12) Good night (3874) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.

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  (816): Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth. http://tfl.nu/la0a
  Replies (9) Good night (2640) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.

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  (361): I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina. http://tfl.nu/9b7c
  Replies (17) Good night (2974) Bad night (1517) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?

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  (810): was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams? http://tfl.nu/die2
  Replies (5) Good night (2679) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning

  (805): View more from California

  1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.

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  (650): dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning (805): 1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992. http://tfl.nu/ljqj
  Replies (31) Good night (4323) Bad night (473)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9044) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

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  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
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  (+77): View more from

  her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

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  (+77): her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like' http://tfl.nu/jkuk
  Replies (22) Good night (6577) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Tonite tequila might call you

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Be prepared

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  (802): Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone (802): Tonite tequila might call you (802): Be prepared http://tfl.nu/qx1s
  Replies (7) Good night (2241) Bad night (268)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

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  (402): Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat. http://tfl.nu/e56w
  Replies (19) Good night (664) Bad night (4539) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay

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  (202): dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay http://tfl.nu/5gp7
  Replies (9) Good night (1102) Bad night (2380) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.

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  (610): Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it. http://tfl.nu/867y
  Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.

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  (484): the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished. http://tfl.nu/p2b9
  Replies (7) Good night (4993) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.

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  (404): Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it. http://tfl.nu/dkcw
  Replies (7) Good night (2250) Bad night (572)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

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  (708): if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again http://tfl.nu/p1ce
  Replies (14) Good night (6463) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.

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  (417): She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit. http://tfl.nu/3bxb
  Replies (20) Good night (3470) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  there were a lot.

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  (918): thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am... (1-918): there were a lot. http://tfl.nu/x7ld
  Replies (29) Good night (6113) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby

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  (859): Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby http://tfl.nu/0zlt
  Replies (13) Good night (3982) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

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  (832): Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella. http://tfl.nu/o5ml
  Replies (14) Good night (5055) Bad night (2267) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  since when the fuck is that glamorous?

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  (843): throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected (1-843): since when the fuck is that glamorous? http://tfl.nu/4ixl
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  (518): View more from New York

  I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

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  (518): I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being. http://tfl.nu/lv2s
  Replies (13) Good night (7602) Bad night (822)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad

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  (+64): i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad http://tfl.nu/7gyh
  Replies (27) Good night (739) Bad night (6278) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

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  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36399) Bad night (1391)
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  (914): View more from New York

  There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone

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  (914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone http://tfl.nu/hyr8
  Replies (240) Good night (1757) Bad night (7983) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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  (214): Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada. http://tfl.nu/cunl
  Replies (200) Good night (7629) Bad night (2280)
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  (310): View more from California

  She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.

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  (310): She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/wr7g
  Replies (11) Good night (782) Bad night (4719)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

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  (586): My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/ww51
  Replies (22) Good night (8115) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.

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  (902): If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I. http://tfl.nu/orkf
  Replies (37) Good night (8057) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I murdered the dance floor call the cops

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  (757): I murdered the dance floor call the cops http://tfl.nu/jwsp
  Replies (14) Good night (1888) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN

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  (+44): just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown. (+44): before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN http://tfl.nu/72q0
  Replies (27) Good night (8106) Bad night (930)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

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  (361): Did i throw a brick at someone last night? http://tfl.nu/tk7m
  Replies (15) Good night (5422) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.

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  (608): He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake. http://tfl.nu/cs4d
  Replies (7) Good night (3427) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  that's awkward

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  (603): Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple' (1-603): that's awkward http://tfl.nu/90bf
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?

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  (240): He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half? http://tfl.nu/4690
  Replies (48) Good night (3861) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.

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  (202): At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us. http://tfl.nu/d8nu
  Replies (7) Good night (4471) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

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  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7533) Bad night (1455) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

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  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59247) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Stop texting me, I'm right here.

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  (502): im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards. (773): Stop texting me, I'm right here. http://tfl.nu/1yrs
  Replies (8) Good night (4278) Bad night (678)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  what?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn

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  (612): i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn (952): what? (612): i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn http://tfl.nu/vdma
  Replies (29) Good night (7371) Bad night (556)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.

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  (214): bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink. http://tfl.nu/4c2j
  Replies (39) Good night (5303) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.

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  (209): is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety. http://tfl.nu/58yh
  Replies (4) Good night (4015) Bad night (826)
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  (+66): View more from Thailand

  She said her name was "party"

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  (+66): She said her name was "party" http://tfl.nu/08y0
  Replies (3) Good night (1983) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..

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  (870): I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance.. http://tfl.nu/o07j
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If I go to jail what happens to my debt?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  You dont have to pay it.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm going to jail.

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  (908): If I go to jail what happens to my debt? (1-908): You dont have to pay it. (908): I'm going to jail. http://tfl.nu/9by4
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.

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  (678): Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting. http://tfl.nu/6icw
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is

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  (404): you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is http://tfl.nu/bwe9
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  u downloaded tardy 4 the party

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record

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  (864): u downloaded tardy 4 the party (864): then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record http://tfl.nu/h7n2
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  (516): View more from New York

  She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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  (516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.

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  (708): You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook. http://tfl.nu/mlr4
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