Texts From Last Night

salvatore26's Favorites Texts:

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.

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  (314): Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/ibp9
  Replies (17) Good night (3067) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

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  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (3821) Bad night (682)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

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  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (12194) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

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  (847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48
  Replies (47) Good night (13806) Bad night (893)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

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  (616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn
  Replies (2) Good night (3321) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.

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  (541): Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/cv6a
  Replies (8) Good night (1971) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

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  (304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8
  Replies (15) Good night (6263) Bad night (770)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.

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  (202): I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now. http://tfl.nu/oo06
  Replies (5) Good night (2714) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.

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  (562): He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break. http://tfl.nu/ad1k
  Replies (16) Good night (2245) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list

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  (573): welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list http://tfl.nu/7gq6
  Replies (4) Good night (1152) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?

  (415): View more from California

  i thought you knew

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  (949): am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy? (415): i thought you knew http://tfl.nu/8kec
  Replies (4) Good night (1784) Bad night (611)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  please bring me a paper towel asap.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.

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  (540): please bring me a paper towel asap. (540): I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do. http://tfl.nu/d1je
  Replies (10) Good night (3549) Bad night (532)
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  (562): View more from California

  don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.

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  (562): don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you. http://tfl.nu/zbku
  Replies (3) Good night (2335) Bad night (470)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.

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  (845): Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent. http://tfl.nu/xb5q
  Replies (5) Good night (2062) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.

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  (720): Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated. http://tfl.nu/fo7q
  Replies (4) Good night (1389) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom

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  (612): Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/d012
  Replies (4) Good night (1502) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis

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  (707): Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis http://tfl.nu/prx7
  Replies (5) Good night (780) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.

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  (520): There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in. http://tfl.nu/msb5
  Replies (7) Good night (2801) Bad night (691)
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  (+84): View more from

  The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white

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  (+84): The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white http://tfl.nu/gomk
  Replies (7) Good night (2826) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.

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  (732): Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know. http://tfl.nu/fesa
  Replies (5) Good night (2287) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

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  (575): I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE http://tfl.nu/fcs3
  Replies (8) Good night (3796) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?

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  (605): They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now? http://tfl.nu/s9tm
  Replies (11) Good night (3881) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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  (806): Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk. (1-806): Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess. http://tfl.nu/c175
  Replies (15) Good night (2414) Bad night (1009)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.

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  (414): Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things. http://tfl.nu/uvud
  Replies (4) Good night (3071) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers

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  (314): Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers http://tfl.nu/hxbz
  Replies (4) Good night (2336) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.

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  (870): I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me. http://tfl.nu/cvaz
  Replies (9) Good night (2047) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note

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  (706): Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note http://tfl.nu/2uyq
  Replies (5) Good night (4097) Bad night (687)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

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  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (24) Good night (5868) Bad night (1041)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.

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  (512): when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table. http://tfl.nu/utxl
  Replies (3) Good night (1374) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.

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  (250): SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/crab
  Replies (12) Good night (2578) Bad night (665)
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  (50): View more from

  I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.

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  (50): I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious. http://tfl.nu/irod
  Replies (5) Good night (2847) Bad night (633)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

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  (903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg
  Replies (6) Good night (2865) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.

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  (717): Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl. http://tfl.nu/lse9
  Replies (8) Good night (2058) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

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  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (19) Good night (4889) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

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  (647): I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. http://tfl.nu/kla9
  Replies (3) Good night (1605) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?

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  (973): You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you? http://tfl.nu/qnfr
  Replies (3) Good night (1368) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.

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  (812): And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god. http://tfl.nu/4xu8
  Replies (3) Good night (1111) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

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  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (7139) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.

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  (757): I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment. http://tfl.nu/iaxy
  Replies (9) Good night (1559) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.

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  (615): Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3. http://tfl.nu/3wgo
  Replies (4) Good night (1976) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"

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  (980): Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened" http://tfl.nu/41rs
  Replies (12) Good night (3084) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us

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  (919): I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us http://tfl.nu/0tdj
  Replies (2) Good night (1085) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out

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  (706): Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out http://tfl.nu/wj5z
  Replies (31) Good night (1589) Bad night (5734)
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  (559): View more from California

  there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.

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  (559): there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap. http://tfl.nu/jpym
  Replies (11) Good night (2430) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.

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  (213): Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics. http://tfl.nu/j3g0
  Replies (5) Good night (1683) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.

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  (989): Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment. http://tfl.nu/uqhq
  Replies (20) Good night (2924) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.

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  (613): No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal. http://tfl.nu/2rsl
  Replies (6) Good night (1498) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back

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  (845): No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back http://tfl.nu/c7vm
  Replies (5) Good night (2038) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  $5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer

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  (205): $5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer http://tfl.nu/vhus
  Replies (9) Good night (2472) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats

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  (248): The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats http://tfl.nu/x34n
  Replies (2) Good night (1298) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!

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  (434): A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!! http://tfl.nu/y0d6
  Replies (4) Good night (2135) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.

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  (408): A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe. http://tfl.nu/7qkp
  Replies (5) Good night (1710) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.

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  (250): I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you. http://tfl.nu/i94o
  Replies (6) Good night (1725) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.

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  (417): She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round. http://tfl.nu/klhn
  Replies (3) Good night (1770) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  You are such a cockblock sometimes

  (661): View more from California

  You NEED a cockblock sometimes

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  (805): You are such a cockblock sometimes (661): You NEED a cockblock sometimes http://tfl.nu/zl8e
  Replies (10) Good night (4419) Bad night (827)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet

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  (480): I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet http://tfl.nu/9wvg
  Replies (3) Good night (3864) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

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  (520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals (480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again? http://tfl.nu/ph9z
  Replies (4) Good night (4978) Bad night (728)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.

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  (412): He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car. http://tfl.nu/qdlm
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...

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  (613): The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music... http://tfl.nu/dqnk
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  (904): View more from Florida

  he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

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  (904): he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french? http://tfl.nu/ofgx
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong

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  (319): Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong http://tfl.nu/nuya
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.

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  (705): in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out. http://tfl.nu/um8l
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.

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  (+44): I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland. http://tfl.nu/8trz
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend

  (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but those French chicks did get naked

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  (404): This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend (917): Yeah but those French chicks did get naked http://tfl.nu/3ob7
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.

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  (978): I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters. http://tfl.nu/m77a
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.

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  (251): He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested. (1-251): Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling. http://tfl.nu/pby0
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.

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  (705): Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M. http://tfl.nu/1ch5
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.

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  (623): Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight. http://tfl.nu/ky5x
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  (650): View more from California

  Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college

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  (650): Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college http://tfl.nu/e5ta
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake

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  (267): My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake http://tfl.nu/gq0m
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.

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  (765): I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro. http://tfl.nu/6pjm
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.

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  (201): Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium. http://tfl.nu/lfpo
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust

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  (612): it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust http://tfl.nu/y8q4
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