Texts From Last Night

gmoss15's Favorites Texts:

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.

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  (937): Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills. http://tfl.nu/u4sm
  Replies (0) Good night (202) Bad night (133) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Helmets.

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  (616): We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids? (609): Helmets. http://tfl.nu/n1xg
  Replies (6) Good night (779) Bad night (83)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me

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  (801): I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me http://tfl.nu/6usl
  Replies (8) Good night (1375) Bad night (120) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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  (201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj
  Replies (4) Good night (2087) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  ITS ORAL SEX CAROL

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  (651): My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means (651): ITS ORAL SEX CAROL http://tfl.nu/ccj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1098) Bad night (196)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You mean maximum 5?

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  (306): I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself (1-306): You mean maximum 5? http://tfl.nu/1ybr
  Replies (5) Good night (817) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat

  (1-408): View more from California

  your picture is with misty too!!

  (408): View more from California

  I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE

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  (408): its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat (1-408): your picture is with misty too!! (408): I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE http://tfl.nu/688p
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (159)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.

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  (636): She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet. http://tfl.nu/ogh1
  Replies (5) Good night (818) Bad night (180) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Is it rude if I don't go?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.

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  (224): Is it rude if I don't go? (248): No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party. http://tfl.nu/zhsj
  Replies (5) Good night (1077) Bad night (257)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.

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  (912): It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time. http://tfl.nu/lxl4
  Replies (4) Good night (450) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE

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  (517): There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE http://tfl.nu/onaq
  Replies (5) Good night (662) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.

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  (514): i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag. http://tfl.nu/q8nn
  Replies (9) Good night (717) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.

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  (848): We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples. (848): A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck. http://tfl.nu/35ft
  Replies (3) Good night (1185) Bad night (314)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".

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  (317): You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!". http://tfl.nu/c85b
  Replies (3) Good night (527) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"

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  (248): Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion" http://tfl.nu/821u
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (164) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".

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  (678): After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box". http://tfl.nu/z4mv
  Replies (5) Good night (1223) Bad night (248)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross

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  (740): Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross http://tfl.nu/1tyn
  Replies (0) Good night (827) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  What should I say back?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Well, how do you want the conversation to go?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Straight into my pants.

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  (541): What should I say back? (1-541): Well, how do you want the conversation to go? (541): Straight into my pants. http://tfl.nu/5wls
  Replies (2) Good night (1380) Bad night (166)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors

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  (860): You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors http://tfl.nu/ik36
  Replies (3) Good night (842) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.

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  (714): Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday. http://tfl.nu/bnh5
  Replies (1) Good night (1182) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.

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  (307): Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too. http://tfl.nu/aq9s
  Replies (4) Good night (993) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.

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  (310): thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/qrwe
  Replies (5) Good night (975) Bad night (262)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."

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  (303): My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..." http://tfl.nu/535j
  Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.

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  (407): I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history. http://tfl.nu/a6pc
  Replies (6) Good night (672) Bad night (235) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.

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  (253): If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/jc0t
  Replies (15) Good night (3169) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...

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  (204): Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"... http://tfl.nu/0fub
  Replies (5) Good night (876) Bad night (248) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"

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  (949): You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker" http://tfl.nu/29yd
  Replies (0) Good night (501) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams

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  (724): I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams http://tfl.nu/vjrr
  Replies (2) Good night (522) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina

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  (204): That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina http://tfl.nu/e6cy
  Replies (6) Good night (762) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.

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  (416): im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough. http://tfl.nu/1lj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1675) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.

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  (309): It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change. http://tfl.nu/p0m1
  Replies (14) Good night (839) Bad night (696)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"

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  (215): He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen" http://tfl.nu/8546
  Replies (5) Good night (1685) Bad night (235) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.

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  (864): her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality. http://tfl.nu/j8og
  Replies (11) Good night (1494) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.

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  (+49): Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/6o3i
  Replies (7) Good night (410) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.

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  (720): You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist. http://tfl.nu/dze0
  Replies (10) Good night (1526) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.

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  (609): Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend. http://tfl.nu/bphq
  Replies (5) Good night (1237) Bad night (412)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.

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  (843): Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck. http://tfl.nu/fj8t
  Replies (29) Good night (778) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects

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  (315): While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects http://tfl.nu/c75x
  Replies (3) Good night (1244) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot

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  (315): she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot http://tfl.nu/7zmw
  Replies (7) Good night (2127) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.

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  (320): Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/lfii
  Replies (3) Good night (1226) Bad night (233) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.

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  (540): Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes. http://tfl.nu/qx0i
  Replies (11) Good night (1272) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.

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  (501): I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/edkm
  Replies (6) Good night (831) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.

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  (408): 4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen. http://tfl.nu/v3bi
  Replies (17) Good night (5297) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.

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  (541): Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad. http://tfl.nu/nlxo
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair

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  (401): She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair http://tfl.nu/x122
  Replies (9) Good night (935) Bad night (2030) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth

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  (808): At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth http://tfl.nu/4jaz
  Replies (4) Good night (789) Bad night (273)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out

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  (480): He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out http://tfl.nu/x67i
  Replies (2) Good night (1824) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.

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  (949): Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me. http://tfl.nu/lccl
  Replies (3) Good night (2182) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.

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  (904): Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time. http://tfl.nu/ddkn
  Replies (4) Good night (1930) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.

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  (508): You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up. http://tfl.nu/f7oz
  Replies (4) Good night (1856) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

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  (717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp
  Replies (10) Good night (1938) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?

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  (817): How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf? http://tfl.nu/6kzv
  Replies (6) Good night (1197) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood

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  (931): his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood http://tfl.nu/n403
  Replies (20) Good night (3743) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"

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  (306): I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth" http://tfl.nu/c8fv
  Replies (6) Good night (1724) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!

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  (303): Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?! http://tfl.nu/om37
  Replies (23) Good night (2634) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

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  (860): You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie. http://tfl.nu/zzfj
  Replies (17) Good night (3266) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

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  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5555) Bad night (850)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic

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  (512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic http://tfl.nu/ja5d
  Replies (16) Good night (4896) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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  (+44): cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked. http://tfl.nu/v3oz
  Replies (3) Good night (2260) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN

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  (+44): just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown. (+44): before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN http://tfl.nu/72q0
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.

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  (641): Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout. http://tfl.nu/rilo
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  (607): View more from New York

  Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.

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  (607): Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night. http://tfl.nu/v41h
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  (279): View more from

  Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?

  (574): View more from Indiana

  You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you

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  (279): Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones? (574): You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you http://tfl.nu/23r0
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  (607): View more from New York

  You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.

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  (607): You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive. http://tfl.nu/27zg
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  (818): View more from California

  Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.

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  (818): Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ? (770): I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no. http://tfl.nu/wmyv
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.

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  (774): I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/weck
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