Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
