Texts From Last Night

kella's Favorites Texts:

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory

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  (913): You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory http://tfl.nu/s661
  Replies (15) Good night (3769) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

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  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (9909) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

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  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (15546) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Some milfs here doing some blow

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Dad?

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  (203): Some milfs here doing some blow (1-203): Dad? http://tfl.nu/14p7
  Replies (64) Good night (3433) Bad night (7894) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.

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  (907): He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED. http://tfl.nu/5p57
  Replies (10) Good night (2211) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.

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  (973): YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower. http://tfl.nu/tblp
  Replies (2) Good night (1193) Bad night (248) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

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  (516): If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals. http://tfl.nu/q4jm
  Replies (9) Good night (543) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.

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  (208): My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done. http://tfl.nu/2aew
  Replies (23) Good night (3892) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.

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  (802): Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser. http://tfl.nu/l90y
  Replies (17) Good night (5079) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7074) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  I can't breathe out the right side of my face

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  (646): I can't breathe out the right side of my face http://tfl.nu/2qbr
  Replies (5) Good night (510) Bad night (1763) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (7983) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness

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  (303): i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness http://tfl.nu/nepk
  Replies (34) Good night (7270) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  you turned your livingroom into a bong?

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  (216): you turned your livingroom into a bong? http://tfl.nu/pj3a
  Replies (27) Good night (4201) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.

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  (518): I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese. http://tfl.nu/65in
  Replies (29) Good night (10274) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday

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  (850): Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday http://tfl.nu/xmv6
  Replies (36) Good night (5723) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

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  (613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19
  Replies (33) Good night (5497) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

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  (503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8
  Replies (23) Good night (763) Bad night (5311) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs

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  (303): All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs http://tfl.nu/h4tc
  Replies (43) Good night (4992) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke

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  (315): making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke http://tfl.nu/o15u
  Replies (9) Good night (4534) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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  (714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx
  Replies (15) Good night (1625) Bad night (2293) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg

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  (630): I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg http://tfl.nu/sw6a
  Replies (15) Good night (1096) Bad night (3767) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that

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  (860): And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that http://tfl.nu/ubil
  Replies (37) Good night (1952) Bad night (6170) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong

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  (240): Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong http://tfl.nu/kgfp
  Replies (19) Good night (3393) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't want you to recite the pledge!

  (631): View more from New York

  Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

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  (631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge. (401): I don't want you to recite the pledge! (631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america http://tfl.nu/s7dx
  Replies (20) Good night (3160) Bad night (424)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!

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  (318): omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!! http://tfl.nu/wtbk
  Replies (14) Good night (916) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

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  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (28720) Bad night (1861)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm going to jail i love you

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  (703): I'm going to jail i love you http://tfl.nu/f32n
  Replies (16) Good night (642) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.

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  (586): Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world. http://tfl.nu/7ye4
  Replies (14) Good night (3714) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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  (502): I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off. http://tfl.nu/n96o
  Replies (30) Good night (4435) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.

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  (541): Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh. http://tfl.nu/1se4
  Replies (72) Good night (6252) Bad night (1670) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.

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  (908): My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place. http://tfl.nu/pxw5
  Replies (7) Good night (4147) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

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  (512): I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different. http://tfl.nu/tob0
  Replies (11) Good night (4506) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.

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  (586): If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete. http://tfl.nu/258x
  Replies (8) Good night (1853) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

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  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7629) Bad night (22866)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68161) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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  (267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6
  Replies (102) Good night (1122) Bad night (3532) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix

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  (214): No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix http://tfl.nu/3cn5
  Replies (11) Good night (481) Bad night (3432) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

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  (252): I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son. http://tfl.nu/kdpy
  Replies (27) Good night (7824) Bad night (1172)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  creepy.

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  (810): My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago? (1-810): creepy. http://tfl.nu/125x
  Replies (5) Good night (404) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.

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  (559): Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster. http://tfl.nu/p7ub
  Replies (109) Good night (12590) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.

  (1-619): View more from California

  You literally just made my flesh crawl.

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  (619): I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter. (1-619): You literally just made my flesh crawl. http://tfl.nu/h7tg
  Replies (32) Good night (1793) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.

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  (908): btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life. http://tfl.nu/rg12
  Replies (10) Good night (5004) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.

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  (516): i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles. http://tfl.nu/x8s9
  Replies (15) Good night (6618) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm chasing vodka with french fries.

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  (201): I'm chasing vodka with french fries. http://tfl.nu/5e4z
  Replies (24) Good night (2887) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.

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  (302): I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good. http://tfl.nu/sjs5
  Replies (62) Good night (5810) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

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  (614): this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had http://tfl.nu/9bpx
  Replies (7) Good night (5746) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve

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  (937): We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve http://tfl.nu/ierf
  Replies (21) Good night (677) Bad night (3602) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.

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  (818): We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings. http://tfl.nu/9pm8
  Replies (26) Good night (5489) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I've always been the spiritual type.

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  (702): When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion. (1-702): I've always been the spiritual type. http://tfl.nu/v0oc
  Replies (27) Good night (7226) Bad night (534)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?

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  (313): So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life? http://tfl.nu/8qm6
  Replies (37) Good night (4666) Bad night (995)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.

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  (812): Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o2zn
  Replies (18) Good night (1127) Bad night (5288) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.

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  (661): I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special. http://tfl.nu/zosx
  Replies (24) Good night (3214) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I want to snug with you.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You want my snuggie?

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  (248): I want to snug with you. (1-248): You want my snuggie? http://tfl.nu/npap
  Replies (4) Good night (943) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me

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  (607): I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me http://tfl.nu/xbef
  Replies (2) Good night (1346) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc

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  (201): whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc http://tfl.nu/bhl3
  Replies (31) Good night (1352) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?

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  (954): My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this? http://tfl.nu/pvqp
  Replies (43) Good night (4468) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69191) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.

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  (402): I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat. http://tfl.nu/6414
  Replies (14) Good night (4128) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

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  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (28) Good night (8773) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt