I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
