Texts From Last Night

MCR2011's Favorites Texts:

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.

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  (440): yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything. http://tfl.nu/2obm
  Replies (3) Good night (2656) Bad night (478)
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  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

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  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (8669) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.

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  (773): I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit. http://tfl.nu/2ngx
  Replies (9) Good night (3711) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  What did you cook with whisky?

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We started a fire.

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  (306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v
  Replies (11) Good night (5522) Bad night (753)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.

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  (513): I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake. http://tfl.nu/fip9
  Replies (7) Good night (3954) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....

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  (865): got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter.... http://tfl.nu/ne6c
  Replies (9) Good night (3095) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..

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  (414): Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well.. http://tfl.nu/jvza
  Replies (7) Good night (828) Bad night (1715) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

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  (847): Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden? http://tfl.nu/x4ab
  Replies (110) Good night (11816) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (6861) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?

  (607): View more from New York

  Nevermind, it's in the dryer.

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  (607): Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head? (607): Nevermind, it's in the dryer. http://tfl.nu/r8jx
  Replies (6) Good night (3090) Bad night (572)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

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  (361): As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you. http://tfl.nu/u1yg
  Replies (11) Good night (6416) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.

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  (256): My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred. http://tfl.nu/j0t5
  Replies (18) Good night (3686) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone

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  (832): moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone http://tfl.nu/qe9x
  Replies (13) Good night (2846) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.

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  (705): Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night. http://tfl.nu/58lp
  Replies (18) Good night (781) Bad night (3760) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.

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  (724): btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die. http://tfl.nu/rrxi
  Replies (13) Good night (5558) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

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  (443): The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of. http://tfl.nu/c44a
  Replies (20) Good night (4043) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.

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  (407): i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all. http://tfl.nu/cnhy
  Replies (18) Good night (459) Bad night (1325) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.

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  (304): he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding. http://tfl.nu/d3lt
  Replies (25) Good night (5759) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.

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  (724): so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca. (412): That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia. http://tfl.nu/lbkk
  Replies (84) Good night (2324) Bad night (584)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

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  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (47) Good night (8088) Bad night (754)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?

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  (484): Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen? http://tfl.nu/hkbt
  Replies (5) Good night (2559) Bad night (789)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.

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  (954): Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/zg18
  Replies (25) Good night (4481) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

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  (207): I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid. http://tfl.nu/67sh
  Replies (15) Good night (6410) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.

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  (214): Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again. http://tfl.nu/1vav
  Replies (12) Good night (4188) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

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  (813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life. http://tfl.nu/zrqp
  Replies (41) Good night (4662) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun

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  (501): Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun http://tfl.nu/8fzd
  Replies (4) Good night (2498) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..

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  (517): dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min.. http://tfl.nu/cx5p
  Replies (2) Good night (1720) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

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  (703): So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out. (1-703): You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend. http://tfl.nu/y4qo
  Replies (24) Good night (4935) Bad night (732)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

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  (314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f
  Replies (39) Good night (7928) Bad night (566)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?

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  (716): Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country? http://tfl.nu/yu48
  Replies (7) Good night (3324) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

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  (585): You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you. http://tfl.nu/pv3c
  Replies (9) Good night (7105) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.

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  (707): Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping. http://tfl.nu/7pjn
  Replies (47) Good night (3173) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar

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  (803): the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar http://tfl.nu/ly2i
  Replies (12) Good night (7439) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38043) Bad night (1192)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
  Replies (68) Good night (37819) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (38274) Bad night (1593)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41850) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

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  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (347) Good night (41952) Bad night (4164) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49208) Bad night (5110)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49121) Bad night (2151) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55353) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

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  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59246) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

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  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62665) Bad night (2950)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68149) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76735) Bad night (3807) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82808) Bad night (7565)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
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  (207): View more from Maine

  we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

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  (207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet? http://tfl.nu/uydl
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted

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  (267): so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted http://tfl.nu/13lv
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

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  (952): You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear http://tfl.nu/fvq9
  Replies (9) Good night (1918) Bad night (3403) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

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  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

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  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.

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  (410): I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night. http://tfl.nu/vy3a
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  (925): View more from California

  This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.

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  (925): This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong. http://tfl.nu/nz0q
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