yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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